Four Years, A Family of Four, and Our Four Goals

A couple days ago was our anniversary! Hooray! 

And as I mentioned in my last post, it's been amazing ( and surprisingly so)!! I'm living the dream being married to a man this good! So sometimes I sit back and think. . .what has made our marriage this good? 

The top 3 reasons why I think our marriage works so well:

1) Having the gospel of Jesus Christ in our lives and striving to live by its principles.

2) Key personality traits and communication patterns that my husband brought into our marriage and is teaching me by his example.

3) Four goals we set on our honeymoon that bring us closer to each other and to the Lord.

Some other time I would like to expand on the first two, but for right now I'm going to delve into the four goals we've been striving for over the past four years.

No, this isn't a hidden pregnancy announcement. This is us when
I was pregnant with Heidi :)

On our honeymoon, we went out for dinner one night. My brand new husband had brought along his notebook and promptly pulled it out after we were seated. With his typical boyish glow in his eye he said "I think we should set some goals together!" I thought he was cute (and that it was a good idea), so we did. 

We talked about how our relationship was important to us and that we wanted to keep it that way. We also wanted to qualify for Heavenly Father's blessings. So the foundation was laid and the goals fell into place. They are simple, but "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass" (Alma 37:6).

1. Go on weekly dates. My husband brought this up and I thought it was a great idea, but I suggested that we define a date. I said " I can just see me in a few years, a couple of kids later. We're sitting in front of the TV, maybe on the same couch, watching a movie for our date and I'm. . .folding mountains of laundry" (why not double-task, right?). 

So to prevent that, I suggested the rule that our date has to be out of the house. Also, if we go on a double date, that doesn't count as our date, because we wouldn't really be dating each other, we would be dating (strengthening our relationship with) the other couple. So double dates are OK. . . but we also need a date for just us that week. Another rule is that it's not much of a date when the kids are with us, so most of our dates have to be without the kids (and we probably only bring them with us once every two or three months, so I feel alright about that.) We've had dates every week of our marriage so far; and I tell ya what, when life gets hard with the kids, I look forward to those dates like Christmas!

A selfie from a date (on our anniversary!)

"Many couples permit their marriages to become stale and their love to grow cold like old bread or worn-out jokes or cold gravy. These people will do well to reevaluate, to renew their courting, to express their affection, to acknowledge kindness, and to increase their consideration so their marriage again can become beautiful, sweet, and growing. . . .[R]eal, lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive." -Spencer W. Kimball

2.  Attend the temple three times per month. My husband and I aimed for a temple wedding, but it wasn't just because we wanted our wedding pictures outside of a beautiful building--we wanted our family to be together forever! To have such a blessing though, it takes more than just exchanging wedding vows, it's a life-long process of keeping our temple covenants. By attending the temple often, we can remember the covenants we made there. 

We decided to set a goal to each go to the temple three times per month. I remember being a young teenager and sitting with my family on the pew at church. A high councilman was speaking that Sunday and for some reason, what he said has never left me. He told the congregation that too many of us aren't going to the temple often enough because couples are waiting until it's convenient to go as a couple. . .and that time never comes (or it rarely comes). As nice as it is to go as a couple, the priority is to remember (and in effect, renew) those precious covenants and to do work for our dead. With that in mind, there are many months that my husband and I don't get to go together as a couple, instead we go six separate times. The blessings are still evident!

Going this often has been tricky at times, especially on months where we've had a baby, but we've only fallen short one month!

"Frequent participation in temple service and regular family scripture study nourish a marriage and strengthen faith within a family."
-Russell M Nelson

3. Read a chapter of The Book of Mormon together every day. When we married, the man who performed the ceremony (the sealer) talked about the sacredness of temple marriage and gave us some marriage advice. One of the things he said was that reading a chapter of The Book of Mormon together every day would strengthen our marriage. We have done that and have recently finished our sixth time through! Our 3-year-old has joined with us now and will repeat phrases after we read them until she finishes a verse or two. This can be a little wild with a toddler and a baby and it's not always super spiritual, but I feel like the Lord is pleased with our efforts. We have missed maybe 3 or 4 times simply from forgetting--oops!

“I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents will read from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our homes and all who dwell therein. The spirit of reverence will increase; mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to the counsel of their parents. Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity—the pure love of Christ—will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy, and hapBenson. Ezra T. Benson

Our Family of Four

4. Pray as a couple together every night. This is another item that our sealer recommended to us in the temple. This helps to bring the Spirit and unites us as a couple. I love hearing my husband thank Heavenly Father for me--it gives me warm fuzzies :) I also love praying for specific things for him--to express my appreciation or ask for special blessings for him.

"I know of no single activity that has more potential for unifying our families and bringing more love and divine direction into our homes than consistent, fervent family prayer." -John H Groberg

These are four goals that have blessed our family. What goals have you set in your relationships?