Potty Training: Two Steps Forward and One Step Back (The Airplane Blowout)

The day had started well! We had packed the night before and only needed to gather a few last minute things like toothbrushes and makeup. We had selected a great time for our flight to Victoria so that we didn't have to rush. On top of that, we were actually leaving the house looking pretty clean, so we could even look forward to returning home! I was walking around our apartment with a little extra bounce in my step. "Family vacation hasn't gone this smoothly since. . .well. . .I don't think it's ever gone this smoothly" I thought. I smiled as I remembered the flat tire we got on the way back from California and ended up sleeping in the car between semi's at a rest stop in Nevada because we couldn't find a hotel. . .that we were willing to pay for. Or the time that we woke up late, were out of gas and had to find a gas station which turned out to be way off the beaten path, ran through the airport as our names were being paged over the intercom, making it to our gate as they were closing it, relieved that the TSA employee who found a butter knife in Robby's backpack let us through. . . But this vacation was going to go great because we were off to a nice start!

Here are the girls the day before we left for vacation

Robby's mom dropped us off at the airport and we leisurely walked in, knowing we had plenty of time. I handed Leila a muffin to fill her tummy and keep her occupied. After Robby had checked himself and Leila in at the kiosk, my "perfect-vacation-bubble" popped--Leila vomited all over her shirt, pants, and the stroller! Luckily we had our luggage still, so Robby whisked the Leila-stroller package off to the bathroom, changed, her rinsed the umbrella stroller in the sink, threw out the pants that were too small for her anyway, bagged the pukey shirt and returned to my side as I was checking our bags. OK, a minor hiccup on the outset of our trip, but we glided through that just fine! This was going to be a good day still! We made it to our layover airport in Seattle, a little tired of occupying two busy girls, but nothing unusual for a day in the life of a parent.

After having some trouble finding our new gate, Leila said she had pooped in her diaper. I asked Robby to take Leila to the bathroom and change her diaper. He went into the men's bathroom, but there was no changing table (what is up with that by the way?) So he looked all over for a family bathroom. When that was fruitless, he settled on changing her diaper on the counter in the men's bathroom. A little flustered by now, he opened her diaper to find. . . no poop. He returned feeling spent. I, not picking up on this and learning of her poop-free diaper, asked Robby if he would take her to the potty so she could go poop before our next flight.

Aside: As an update on the potty-training adventure, Leila had been doing awesome--keeping her pull-up clean all day except for when she napped or slept at night. And even then, she sometimes woke up "clean and dry".

Since this picture, she has learned how to
wear underwear correctly :)

Robby brought her to the toilet, not at all thrilled by this point.
"OK. Go potty." This came off as too much of a command for Leila as this little threenager doesn't take orders from anybody!
"No!" she resisted.
"Well, if you don't try now, you're not going to get to go on the plane. It's now or not at all!"
"That's OK! I don't need to go" she said.
"Alright! If you need to go on the plane you'll just have to go in your pull-up!"
Leila agreed and they came back to the gate to await our plane's arrival.

It was a small plane--about the size of a greyhound bus--two seats on either side of the aisle. As fate would have it, I ended up sitting next to Leila. Robby sat with Heidi on the other side of the aisle. We were seated smack dab in the middle of the plane--perfect--not too close to the stinky bathroom at the front, not so close to the back that we'll be the last off the plane! It wasn't long after we sat down that Leila insisted that she needed to go potty--of course.

"Nope. She's not going potty. She agreed that if she didn't go potty before she would just have to go in her pull-up. She said that was fine. She's not going potty" Robby insisted.
I stared at him hard. I understand following through, but the urge to go potty sometimes comes later than sooner. . .but I could tell he was resolute, so I backed him up.
"No Leila, you didn't go potty before. It's too late."
"But it's poop! I have to go poop!"
I turned to Robby to see if that new snippet of information would help him to let up. Nope.
"Sorry Leila. You'll just have to go in your pull-up. Your pull-up will catch it."
. . .or would it?. . .
Leila started to cry. The plane hasn't even left yet; It would be so much easier to take her to the potty. But my husband and I are a united front, so there we stayed. The plane took off and the poor girl was upset.
"It's coming out!"
I tried to comfort her, but it was in vain since I wouldn't be helping to relieve her discomfort.
"She had pooped in her diaper a thousand times before. I guess it wouldn't hurt if it was one more time?" I thought, trying to reason with myself.
"It's coming OOOOOUT!" she said, more loudly this time and with more anxiety in her voice.
"I know honey. . ."
"Noooo!" She cut me off. "It's coming out of my DIIIIIAPER!!!" she shrieked.
OH NO! I lifted her shirt.
"It's all over my shirt!" It sure was! liquid poop oozing out all over her pants and pouring onto the leather seat.
"Oooh! I'm sorry honey! It's OK!" I told her.
I threw a glare at Robby.

I scrambled and found the wipes in my diaper bag. I swept up the stinky mess with a wipe. The stench was surely filling the small plane from front to back. Maybe our centrally located seating arrangement wasn't so ideal after all. After scooping up the mess, I laid the wipes on the inside of a clean diaper so I could wrap it up when I was through. To what end was I wiping this up, I didn't know. There was still a poopy mess that couldn't be remedied without a washing machine and a shower, but I had to so something. Leila just cried and clung to my legs, burying her head in my lap. Within minutes, she fell asleep. There was mess, there was stink, but now there was relative calm with her passed out. That was Heidi's cue. Our plane started descending and she started to scream. Her ears must be popping! My plan had been to nurse her as we descended (the best way to help a baby who's ears are popping, because it encourages them to swallow). But now my hands were disgusting! I couldn't hold that girl! I definitely didn't want to pass the germs on to my baby. Irritated at the spot I found myself in, I turned my back to Robby as if to say "this is the mess you get to deal with!"

The flight ended and all the over-stimulated passengers vacated the airplane. We avoided eye contact with them and remained until the last passenger had left. Robby told a flight attendant that we had a poop accident. Bless her heart, you would have thought he had said we had dropped some pretzels with how calmly she reacted. "No problem! We'll send someone to clean it up!" Her calm reaction made me less anxious. Then a male employee entered the plane. The flight attendant asked him to call for a clean up.
"What kind of a clean up?" he asked, looking puzzled.
"poop" she said matter-of-factly.
"POOP?! You mean like. . .POOP?! What, is it like, SMEARED all over the seat or something?!"
--Two strikes for males in the poop department today--
She calmly explained the incident and brought out some sanitary wipes and Delta imprinted grocery bags to help out.
We woke Leila up to an empty plane, stripped her down completely and wiped her off. We put her poopy clothes in a bag to bring with us and wash. . .which we accidentally left on the plane. This time we didn't have a change of clothes for her so after putting a new pull-up on her, she donned Robby's purple hoody.  It went clear down to her ankles.

She looked like a hobo child. I know, because that's what a stranger said as we were walking through the Victoria airport.

Leila had diarrhea for the first few days of our vacation. That mixed with the with the changes in setting and schedule that vacations inevitably present, Leila was set back a couple of weeks on potty-training. We got back two weeks ago yesterday and we're just now getting back to the stage we were at before we left--she's doing great! And I'm glad to say that adventure in potty training is over. . .and at least we got to return to home to a clean apartment :)

This was the flight home. #Both kids sleeping. #Dream come true. #God's tender mercies.

Potty Training: 2 Steps Forward

Being that my naive mind had presupposed and determined that Leila would be potty trained by 2 1/2, you can imagine that I felt a little uneasy as her 3rd birthday loomed closer. And not only was she not potty-trained, she would say something that I had heard other precocious toddlers announce. She had said something that I had rolled my eyes at and judged mothers for and for which I am now eating karma pie. She had repeatedly declared "Mom! I'm poopy! Can you change my diaper please?" (. . .at least she used manners right?!) Or worse: "Mom! Guess what?! I'm POOPING right NOW! Ha ha ha ha ha!" Yep! She was mocking me! I was sure. I was THAT kid's mother!

I knew this little girl was aware of her physical functions, but why was she so attached to her diaper? One time I was giving her a bath and she got a nervous look on her face. "oh! oh! oh! I gotta go pee!" she said anxiously.
"oh great!" I thought, "she's telling me when she needs to go potty! This is progress". But my excitement was premature. "I'll put you on the potty. . ."
"No!" I was cut off by my resolute toddler.
"Why not?!" I implored, "it's RIGHT here!"
"No! In my diaper! Get my diaper on! I just wanna pee in my diaper!".
I tried to reason with her, but two-year-olds and reason go together about as well as oil and water, right? So eventually I succumbed and just put the diaper on. The very second the last tab was secured, the flood gates opened and that diaper immediately expanded to full capacity. So I was just left muttering under my breath as I sauntered off to grab yet another fresh diaper.

 On the bright side, this and other similar experiences, were evidence that she could "hold it" really well. . . just maybe too well! In light of that, I ended up making up some new lyrics to a catchy little song you might know. It's called "Let it go".

Let it Go
Let it go, let it go, can't hold it anymore
Let it go, let it go, when I walk through the bathroom door
Here I'll sit, and here I'll stay, 'til the pee comes out
I don't need a diaper anyway!

Rightly or wrongly I had tried (in vain of course) to get her to want to be potty trained: "You're a big girl, big girls don't go in diapers", "it's so much cleaner when you go on the potty", and "it doesn't stick to you if you go on the potty". A friend of mine had read a potty training book of some kind and said you are supposed to treat it with disgust so that they are grossed out by using a diaper. I tried that: "Ewww! Changing your poopy diaper is really gross!"

Then, on a day when I felt a little more patient with the whole potty training business, I made a statement that incidentally got the ball rolling: "You know what?! Your best friend was potty-trained at the age of 3!" To which she momentarily stared off in the distance, then met my gaze and said "I'm gonna go on the potty when I'm 3!" This was a couple months before the big birthday arrived. So to my chagrin, every time I suggested she try to go potty she responded "nope! I'm gonna go potty when I'm 3!" So of course I awaited her birthday with anxious anticipation. The day came and I had an enormous box of pull-ups all ready to go. Then I resorted to techniques found in a book my friend, Caitlin suggested: 

Potty Training 1-2-3: What Works, How it Works, Why it Works by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo (FYI Gary Ezzo wrote Baby Wise--you may have heard of it?)

Instead of trying to persuade your child to "go" on the potty from the outset, the focus is initially on staying clean and dry. Mom uses a baby doll to show the child that he or she is supposed to be clean and dry. Both dolly and child get candy if they're clean and dry and they get two treats if either dolly or child go on the potty.

Hiding candy and dollar store toys in 

eggs made the reward process more fun.

Here's how it worked for us: Day 1
I showed Leila the baby doll and introduced the concept of clean and dry. We set a timer and every 15 minutes I would ask "is the baby clean and dry? Are you clean and dry?" (She got way too much candy that day!)

Day 2
The second day we didn't really need the dolly anymore--Leila got the concept. Instead, we focused on whether or not Leila was clean and dry. Leila sat on her princess potty and went a couple times.

Day 3
We tried the real potty (AKA toilet). She sat on the toilet and I walked into her bedroom to put something away. As I walked back, I said "did you go potty?" to which she answered in the most discouraged yet sincere voice "nooo. . .I didn't. . .I'm sorry!" I assured the poor sweet thing that it was OK! She didn't have to be sorry! I assured her that she was doing great just by trying, and she would figure it out eventually! That turned a switch on in her head--one that lit up her face and seemed to give her confidence; because once I gave her that permission to "fail" or rather, communicated that not peeing wasn't a total fail, she relaxed and things happened so much more smoothly! She peed! And after that, I no longer needed to give her candy for being clean and dry --only for when she went pee on the potty.

Day 4
Another cool thing happened! I was super impressed with her--she would stop watching songs on the computer (our typical ritual for while I'm taking a shower) so that she could run to the bathroom and go pee! I wasn't even having to ask as much--she was saying "momma! I want to go pee!"
She went six times that day!

Leila, happily sitting on her princess potty!

Day 16
She went poop on the potty!!! Hooray! We celebrated of course! Leila knew exactly how she wanted to celebrate--"I want to go to the car cart store (Macey's) and I want to sit in the car cart until we get me some chocolate ice cream and then I want to sit at the tables" We had a lot of fun eating our ice cream cones and trading cones every lick! I'd share a pic, but I forgot my phone at home--and all for the better, I just got to thoroughly enjoy our little date :)

She got more brave and started going at public restrooms. Leila even kept her pull-up clean and dry through all 2 hours of nursery, then went potty after that! Every once in a while she will just run to the bathroom by herself and go from A to Z without any help! Not bad right?! I'm proud of this little girl!

Now let me tell you that just because we had some success doesn't mean this is going to work for everyone. Every kid is different, every parent is different and for all I know it might just have worked because the ninth try (with potty training my strong-willed child) is a charm. So . . .if you're thinking that pulling your eyeballs out would be preferable to the adventures of potty training, just hold on for that ninth attempt :) --see more about our potty training misadventures here.

And if you think we rode off into the sunset of panty land after this. . .oh! Just wait for the sequel. . .my next blog post will be titled something like "Potty Training: Two Steps Forward and One Step Back (the airplane blowout)."

Four Years, A Family of Four, and Our Four Goals

A couple days ago was our anniversary! Hooray! 

And as I mentioned in my last post, it's been amazing ( and surprisingly so)!! I'm living the dream being married to a man this good! So sometimes I sit back and think. . .what has made our marriage this good? 

The top 3 reasons why I think our marriage works so well:

1) Having the gospel of Jesus Christ in our lives and striving to live by its principles.

2) Key personality traits and communication patterns that my husband brought into our marriage and is teaching me by his example.

3) Four goals we set on our honeymoon that bring us closer to each other and to the Lord.

Some other time I would like to expand on the first two, but for right now I'm going to delve into the four goals we've been striving for over the past four years.

No, this isn't a hidden pregnancy announcement. This is us when
I was pregnant with Heidi :)

On our honeymoon, we went out for dinner one night. My brand new husband had brought along his notebook and promptly pulled it out after we were seated. With his typical boyish glow in his eye he said "I think we should set some goals together!" I thought he was cute (and that it was a good idea), so we did. 

We talked about how our relationship was important to us and that we wanted to keep it that way. We also wanted to qualify for Heavenly Father's blessings. So the foundation was laid and the goals fell into place. They are simple, but "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass" (Alma 37:6).

1. Go on weekly dates. My husband brought this up and I thought it was a great idea, but I suggested that we define a date. I said " I can just see me in a few years, a couple of kids later. We're sitting in front of the TV, maybe on the same couch, watching a movie for our date and I'm. . .folding mountains of laundry" (why not double-task, right?). 

So to prevent that, I suggested the rule that our date has to be out of the house. Also, if we go on a double date, that doesn't count as our date, because we wouldn't really be dating each other, we would be dating (strengthening our relationship with) the other couple. So double dates are OK. . . but we also need a date for just us that week. Another rule is that it's not much of a date when the kids are with us, so most of our dates have to be without the kids (and we probably only bring them with us once every two or three months, so I feel alright about that.) We've had dates every week of our marriage so far; and I tell ya what, when life gets hard with the kids, I look forward to those dates like Christmas!

A selfie from a date (on our anniversary!)

"Many couples permit their marriages to become stale and their love to grow cold like old bread or worn-out jokes or cold gravy. These people will do well to reevaluate, to renew their courting, to express their affection, to acknowledge kindness, and to increase their consideration so their marriage again can become beautiful, sweet, and growing. . . .[R]eal, lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive." -Spencer W. Kimball

2.  Attend the temple three times per month. My husband and I aimed for a temple wedding, but it wasn't just because we wanted our wedding pictures outside of a beautiful building--we wanted our family to be together forever! To have such a blessing though, it takes more than just exchanging wedding vows, it's a life-long process of keeping our temple covenants. By attending the temple often, we can remember the covenants we made there. 

We decided to set a goal to each go to the temple three times per month. I remember being a young teenager and sitting with my family on the pew at church. A high councilman was speaking that Sunday and for some reason, what he said has never left me. He told the congregation that too many of us aren't going to the temple often enough because couples are waiting until it's convenient to go as a couple. . .and that time never comes (or it rarely comes). As nice as it is to go as a couple, the priority is to remember (and in effect, renew) those precious covenants and to do work for our dead. With that in mind, there are many months that my husband and I don't get to go together as a couple, instead we go six separate times. The blessings are still evident!

Going this often has been tricky at times, especially on months where we've had a baby, but we've only fallen short one month!

"Frequent participation in temple service and regular family scripture study nourish a marriage and strengthen faith within a family."
-Russell M Nelson

3. Read a chapter of The Book of Mormon together every day. When we married, the man who performed the ceremony (the sealer) talked about the sacredness of temple marriage and gave us some marriage advice. One of the things he said was that reading a chapter of The Book of Mormon together every day would strengthen our marriage. We have done that and have recently finished our sixth time through! Our 3-year-old has joined with us now and will repeat phrases after we read them until she finishes a verse or two. This can be a little wild with a toddler and a baby and it's not always super spiritual, but I feel like the Lord is pleased with our efforts. We have missed maybe 3 or 4 times simply from forgetting--oops!

“I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents will read from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our homes and all who dwell therein. The spirit of reverence will increase; mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to the counsel of their parents. Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity—the pure love of Christ—will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy, and hapBenson. Ezra T. Benson

Our Family of Four

4. Pray as a couple together every night. This is another item that our sealer recommended to us in the temple. This helps to bring the Spirit and unites us as a couple. I love hearing my husband thank Heavenly Father for me--it gives me warm fuzzies :) I also love praying for specific things for him--to express my appreciation or ask for special blessings for him.

"I know of no single activity that has more potential for unifying our families and bringing more love and divine direction into our homes than consistent, fervent family prayer." -John H Groberg

These are four goals that have blessed our family. What goals have you set in your relationships?

Four Years Down. . .and Marriage DOESN'T Suck!!!

Tomorrow is our fourth wedding anniversary! It's been a wonderful four years! In fact, it seems too good to be true!

How could marriage be this good?!  In all honesty, I was kinda bracing myself for marriage! I had heard how hard marriage was, I had seen the statistics in my major in college (Marriage and Family) and I had seen my parents marriage fail, so I mentally prepared myself for heated arguments followed by silent treatments, and crying myself to sleep. My vision of marriage came up while we were engaged--we talked about when we wanted to start having a family. He suggested we shoot for a honeymoon baby, with the justification of "why not?!"

I may have given him an earful at that point!

Why not?! Well, because marriage was going to be hard! It was going to be work! We were going to have to fight, because that's what two people do who come from different families and have different life experiences and upbringing. We were going to have to beat the kinks out of marriage before we add another kink to the rope! It was ironic that Robby was suggesting a honeymoon baby seeing as my Dad's one piece of marriage advice when Robby asked my dad if he could marry me was "don't have kids too early". . .There had to be a reason for that. I thought I was giving Robby an education in newlywedness "Robby, don't you know?. . .marriage is gonna kinda suck at first!" And Robby just responded ". . .OK" (more to say "well if that's how you feel about it" and not to say "thank you for bestowing your wealth of wisdom"). Honestly, I'm pretty lucky he married me after that! With an attitude like that, it could have become a self-fulfilled prophecy! Another thing I was preparing myself for was finding out who Robby really was after we got married, but at the same time I felt like he was super authentic, so I hoped it wouldn't be too bad. I was super blessed because low and behold

Robby was the real deal and . . .Marriage DIDN'T suck!

 Wheeeew! I'm sure glad I was wrong about it all! As wrong as I could be in fact! Robby was just as amazing as he seemed to be--kind, PATIENT, optimistic, righteous and the list goes on. Me on the other hand? I don't know what can prepare a man for an emotional female :) Maybe having five sisters?! ;) But with his optimism, he handles it like a champ! So after two months of marriage, I realized that marriage was wonderful and that probably wasn't going to change. That was nice. . .except, then I didn't have a reason to not have children. So we had one by our first anniversary :)

So what is marriage like really? I live with my best friend! I'm married to my eternal boyfriend, a man I look forward to going on vacations with, dates with, spending hum drum time with, daydreaming about, and welcoming home at the end of the day. Being married to Robby is so good that I hesitate to tell single people how good marriage is, because I might be setting them up for disappointment. After all, not everybody can marry Robby Parker.