In honor of Leila's monthly unbirthday, here are some more fun Leila-isms!
We went to the Aquarium a couple weeks ago. Leila was a goof as usual :)
If you'll remember, I interviewed Leila for the last Leila-isms. So I've still got some stuff left over from Christmas time--
1) On Christmas Day: OH! It's Christmas! It's Jesus' birthday! Let's sing happy birthday to him!! (and we did!)
2) In her prayer: Thank you that baby Jesus was born
3) In another prayer: Please bless that kids will be nice to moms and dads and that kids won't yell at their moms and dads (you can guess what kind of behavior we talked about that day!)
I know. . .I posted this one on Facebook, but it's just so darned cute! Shaving cream noses!
4) After Heidi bit her:
Mom, Dad, I'm gonna die, 'cause Heidi bit me and there's a hole in me!
5) Dad, what does punching mean? . . .Can you show me on mom what punching is? (note: she knows what punching is. . .and no--he didn't show her!)
Lately we've started a ritual--"special time". First we do a little gospel lesson,
then we do an activity like a science experiment or craft. This was making rain clouds :)
PS--this is what the shaving cream was actually for!
6) Leila: What can I have to eat
Daddy: Well. . .you can have. . .a pine cone. . .or some rocks!
Leila: Of course I can't have that Dad! Those don't have any PROTEIN!
I wrote this one a few months ago, but haven't found quite the right time to post it. Since I need to fill up 12 days worth of posts for my 12 days of Christmas blogging, I figure now is as good a time as any. . .and I've got such a wonderful companion, I just can't keep it to myself for too long :)
I love this picture of us. . .even though it's 2 years old
. . .Robby and I need more pictures together!
I want to start a new tradition of posting from time to time what I love about Robby, so I can always remember and so that our children can learn from the marriage pro! It's incredible to me--I'm the one who got a degree in Marriage and Family Studies, but he's the one who "gets it" in terms of how to have a happy marriage and I learn from him every day. The things I love may not be mind-blowing, as they are usually just small acts of service or kind words, but they mean the world to me and, in my opinion, make for an extraordinary marriage! Anyway, without further adieu:
I struggle with meal planning off and on. So, instead of well-orchestrated dinners, too often we have pancakes, grilled cheese, or a pre-made Costco meal. Sometimes I can make it look like I've put some work into it by pulling out a freezer meal that I've previously made and popping that into the oven or slow cooker . . .but even those have started to dwindle. This past week I made a goal of doing meal plans. I don't know why I've been struggling with it so much! It's not like it's hard! I just print off a menu planner. . .
Like this one
There are gazillions of menu planners on the web. This one is my favorite because I don't write down the ingredients that I already have, just the ones I need and it becomes a shopping list--so convenient! Also, instead of writing down the starch that goes with the dinner, I use that spot to write which website or cookbook I got the recipe from, so I can find it again when I need it!
So this should be easy right?! But like many other things, I tend to make a mountain out of a mole hill and make things seem harder/ more time consuming than they really are, and I don't do it. Well, I planned my meals last week! Hooray! Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it was super easy from A to Z, after all--I do have to figure out how to make dinner while having to entertain two cute/intense little girls, but it worked out!
So now that you have the background, here is how the conversation with my husband went:
Me: So, I'm really proud of myself!
Robby: Ya?! How so?
Me: I made a goal to do better at meal planning and I did it! I've felt silly having so many lame meals lately! But this week I made chicken and sausage stroganoff, breakfast casserole, chicken pot pie, and chicken enchiladas!
Robby: Good job! The chicken pot pie was so good! And the enchiladas were amazing! . . .But those seemed like pretty intense meals to prepare. To be honest, the difference between enchiladas and Costco lentils on rice is so little. It's like. . .
Me: The 80/20 rule?
Robby: Ya!
*Aside: The 80/20 rule is the idea that you do 20% of the work for 80% of the quality, so sometimes it just makes sense to stop there. Because otherwise, you have to put in another 80% worth of time/effort, just to increase your results a meager 20%. Robby's philosophy is--why sacrifice balance and sanity when 80% is still a good score?
Robby: Really, I'd rather we just had baked potatoes for dinner if it meant you could just get a nap in.
You can bet he got a hug, a kiss, and an "awww" for that one! He is always so considerate of me and looks for ways to help ease my load. And it's so nice to know that he sincerely cares about me!
If you want another story about how wonderful it has been to be married to this guy, check out this one.
This is my little cutie in her dance costume. I will post some videos of her first dance performance EVER later this month. Dang! She's cute! (. . .If I do say so myself!)
1) Reading Buddies
Leila likes to be read to. And although there are many books that she likes, there is one that stands out above them all--Classic Bedtime Stories by Scott Gustafson. Not only does it contain some great classics like Jack and The Beanstalk and The Three Billy Goats Gruff, not only does it have breathtakingly gorgeous illustrations, but it was purchased for my daughters by their beloved Grandma Parker as a "just because" gift (those are the best kinds of gifts, aren't they?)
When Robby was little his Mom read to him and his siblings a lot. Robby often tells me of the memories he has of his mom reading to him when he was young. It's common to hear him say "I love that book! My mom read it to me as a child." Being read to aloud is just one of the many examples of memories that have created such a strong bond between Robby and his Mama.
One of the stories Robby and his Mama read together was the story of Little Black Samba and The Tigers. That story happens to be in this compilation of classics--I think that's why this book piqued Grandma Parker's interest when she saw it at the store :) She has read it to Leila a *few* times :) You can tell that's an understatement when you watch them reading it together in this video.
Note: This video was taken 6 1/2 months ago (in May when Leila was not yet 3). I tried in vain to upload it months ago. It took me this long to get me to ask my super-duper multi-talented, technically savvy hubby for help. It was NBD for him of course.
What a little performer she is!
2) I Have a Happy Family (Home Evening)
During FHE Robby asked what Leila likes about our family:
She said "I like that our family reads scriptures together and that you guys got married in the temple"
For another FHE Robby asked when was the last time Leila felt the Spirit. She turned it into the same question as the other week:
Leila: I like that our family loves each other so much!
I like that too. . .and I like that she's so darned sweet!
3) Jesus' Hands
We have been trying to teach Leila that when she makes good choices it makes Heavenly Father and Jesus happy and when she makes not-so-good choices it makes them sad.
One day she spilled some water and said "Oh no! It's not good to spill water! When we spill water on the floor it's like we're spilling water on Jesus' hands!"
**Hmmm. . .not. . .exactly.**
Here is Leila with Santa at the Christmas party. I liked that they had a couch--no need to sit on a strange old guy's lap, right?
4) Syllable Smarts
This week Leila learned about syllables. It took about 30 seconds to get the concept. I'm always amazed how quick she is to catch on to things!
L: All. On. A. Sat-ur-day. Night! (pointing at me, then her and switching who she was pointing at for each syllable)
M: Oh! That's good! You pointed at a different person for each syllable! Do you know what a syllable is?
L: No. What is it?
M: It's the sounds in a word. Let's see how many syllables Saturday has in it: Sat-ur-day (holding up a finger for each time I said a syllable). How many is that?
L: 3!
M: Great job! How about "Leila"? How many syllables are in your name?
Together: "Lei-la" (holding up a finger for each syllable)
L: Two!
M: That's right! How about "hippopotamus"?
L: Hip-po-pot-a-mus (holding up fingers) . . .five!
We kept trying that--I would suggest a word, then she would suggest a word. She got them all right until she suggested a whole sentence, something like "I have some peanut butter to eat". At that point she bit off a little more than she could chew :)
5) A Little Medicine Goes a Loooong Way!
The other day I was getting ready to give some Zarbee's cough medicine to Heidi. It's all natural, boosts the child's immune system, and is OK for kids 12 months and up. . .Oh. . .and it has honey in it. So I sucked up a half teaspoon using the medicine syringe, but in doing so, I got some sticky medicine on my hands. . .and I DON'T like being sticky! So I stood the syringe up on the table with the nozzle pointing to the ceiling while I washed my hands. Leila immediately climbed up on the chair and, harnessing the full power of her curious nature, pushed the syringe down . . .hard. It all happened in the blink of any eye--before I could let out a dissuading response! So I just watched helplessly as the contents of the syringe spewed quickly into the air, raining all over my shirt and arm, Heidi's hair, and leaving a nice sticky trail on the ceiling! Of course Leila ended up untainted! So much for not getting sticky!!
6) Origins
Leila: What is oatmeal made of?
Me: Oats.
Leila: Applesauce is made of ducks!
*mmm. . .K! I may never look at applesauce the same again!*
Like reading about our fun, smart, sweet girl? Click here for past Leila-isms!
My husband is a stud. Really though! He is a natural at marriage. From the moment we got married it was as though marriage fit him like a comfy pair of tennis shoes--so well, and without rubbing the wrong way. He shines in so many areas and one of those areas is gratitude. It's just his way-of-life to say "thank you", which is nice, because as they say "being a stay-at-home-mom is a thankless job!" And there's definitely truth to that--like when all you have at home is a non-verbal infant whose best version of reciprocity is to "return" the applesauce you gave her by spitting it all over your face. . . But staying at home doesn't have to be totally thankless, thanks to husbands :)
It helps that my husband is observant--he notices things. He notices if I've cleaned the house. . .or part of the house. . .or just vacuumed. I'm sure he also notices when I don't clean the house, but he has a positive attitude and chooses not to dwell on that. One of the things that just warms my heart, actually stems from me having a rough day. . .or at least a not-well-planned day. Sometimes me and the kids hang out at home just long enough to mess up the house. We take off to run errands and then it seems we return home just in time to add to the mess--by making dinner. On some of those days, the bed is even left unmade, there are toys all over the house, the bathroom is a mess, there are dirty diapers on the change table and the kitchen is in shambles.
Then my knight in shining armor walks in the door with a big smile on his face and expressions of love on his lips. Our little girl wraps her arms around his neck for a big welcome home hug. Our baby smiles, coos, and claps. If we're really on top of it, we'll greet him with a chorus of "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow". I give him a hug and a kiss. We're all glad he's home. He doesn't mention a thing about the state of the house. Instead, he gives me a long hug, tells me he loves me and that he's happy to see me. As he walks into the bedroom to put his things down, he lays his backpack down on the unmade bed and notices beside it, a laundry basket. The laundry is clean. . .and dry, but that's all it is. It's not folded or put away, it's just a tangled mess that's accumulating wrinkles. Of the plethora of comments he could choose to make at that moment, he just says cheerfully "thanks for doing the laundry!"
Can I just tell you how very loved that makes me feel? Just moments before, I was feeling a little vulnerable because "why did I even bother doing the laundry if I couldn't do it all the way?" (my thoughts). In stark contrast to my insecurities, I now feel validated for my efforts. I feel safe--safe in my home, safe being myself, safe with my spouse. Have I ever heard him say "what do you do all day?" Never. (And I don't expect to--he protects my feelings . . .and he has spent time with the children, so he knows how high maintenance they are and how it takes at least 4x longer to get anything done when the girls are circling around like hungry sharks.)
Here are my two cute little handfuls!
Anyway, you know what's remarkable about his comment besides the fact that it's totally sweet and selfless? It's motivating! It makes me want to do better! No amount of nitpicking could possibly make me want to do better at cleaning, scheduling my day, or using the girls' nap times more wisely, but sincere expressions of gratitude are addictive! I just want more! In fact, I so appreciate being appreciated that I have often been laughed at for saying "thanks for thanking me!" But I mean it! Not only am I motivated to do better because I think the words "thank you" sound good together, but I'm motivated because he's so good at making me feel happy and loved--I just want to do the same for him! As a side note--it's nice to know that it's possible to make him happy. It's not a losing battle, instead nearly every effort seems to be worthwhile.
Other expressions of gratitude from my thankful spouse include "thanks for cleaning the house" (yes, that happens too), "thanks for breakfast" (sometimes even when it's just cold cereal--that makes me smile), thanks for dinner (even when I can tell it's not his favorite) "thanks for taking good care of the kids". . . and the list goes on.
Even though I'm not perfect, rather than picking from a list of flaws as long as my arm, my husband gives me the benefit of the doubt that I'm trying. And I don't have to do my "absolute best" either--in fact, he has communicated that he prefers I don't. His love for me is not conditioned on my doing my absolute best--he loves me unconditionally, and he wants me to know that. So my "reasonable best" is good enough. giving my absolute best is risky! Sure, the house might be clean, but my perfectionistic tendencies (along with my stress level) would be sky high. When stress is high, sanity and happiness are low. That's problematic for both of us because my husband has adopted the adage: "Happy wife, happy life". I like that! But I think "happy spouse, happy life", though not rhyming, is closer to the truth. That way, each other's happiness is in both of our best interests.
In conclusion: as long as my husband and I try our reasonable best to keep each other's happiness in mind, not forgetting to use a healthy helping of "thank-you's", I think we'll continue to be each other's favorite happy thoughts. . .and the house will probably look as good as it's gonna get!
So, I keep saying I'll do better with recording the cute things that my kids say/do. . .but it just never comes to fruition. So I've made a new goal to try to make this happen--I'm going to write down moments all month long, then on my girls' "un-birthdays" (the day of the month when my girls were born--Leila is the 5th and Heidi is the 25th) I will publish those memories and milestones :) So happy un-birthday to Leila! She is 40 months old today (3 years, 4 months)!!! 1) A Forgiving Heart
It was a rough day with Leila. She was super emotional, whiny, and oppositional. I lost my cool with her more than once :(
Leila: (mumbling something) . . .like Jesus.
Me: What's like Jesus?
Leila: (smiling) You are!
Me: No. Not today!
Leila: Why?
Me: Because I got really upset at you today.
Leila: That's OK! You're nice now!
I love how forgiving children are!
2)A Sweet Prayer (later that day at bedtime)
Leila: You're a great Mom! And I know you're thankful for me!
Me: Thank you! And you're right! I am thankful for you! I'm so glad you're my daughter! . . . It's time to say the prayer. Would you like to say it? Or would you like me to?
Leila: I'll say it! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! AMEN! Ha ha! Just kidding! Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for my mom and that she's so cute. . .
3) Swings: Leila-Style
a fairy dress-up costume complete with shiny stretchy pants, wings, and a bike helmet with a unicorn on top. . .and of course a great big smile :D 4) A Cute Prayer
Leila: Thank you for my mom and that she's so great, thank you for my dad, that he's so great, thank you for Leila, that I'm so great, thank you for Heidi, that she's so great. In the name of Jesus Christ Amen.
Me: *laughing a little*
Leila: What? Why are you laughing?
Me: Because. . .that was a cute prayer.
Leila: Ya. . .that's 'cause I'm cute!
5) Mirror
"Mom, I love you. . .even when I get mad at you." 6) Thanks Mom!
Here's a nice one for the month of Thanksgiving! They call motherhood "a thankless job", but Leila can actually be really good at saying thank you! These are two examples from today:
Thanks for dinner tonight, Mom!
Thanks for watching me when Daddy's at work!
7) Before Leila
Aunt Sarah: (pointing to a photo) Who's that in this picture?
Leila: I dunno. Who is it?
Aunt Sarah: Look closer!
Leila: Oh! It's my Mama!
Aunt Sarah: That's right! That was before you were born, so you were in heaven!
Leila: Oh ya!! I was crying because I wanted my Mama!
8) Watch my Mouth
When Leila was a baby, a friend of mine was expecting her first child. She asked me an interesting question: "Is there anything you say that you don't want your kids repeating?" I just kinda raised my eyebrow at that and shrugged it off--"No". Well, sometimes you don't realize that what you say isn't always the best. . .until you hear it coming from a child's mouth. The other day, we walked outside and Leila started whirling around in circles and saying "What the heck?! It's nice outside! What the heck?! It's nice outside!What the heck?! It's nice outside!" That made me realize I should probably consider "heck" an "H word"!
Well, that's all for now folks! For more Leila-isms, check back in a month. . .hopefully I'll be following through with my goal at that time :)
It's been awhile since I've recorded any Leila-isms! The last ones were in April! She says funny things all the time, so I need to be better at this. I know I loved reading about the funny things I said as a kid--I'm glad my mom took the time to record those for me. Here are a few Leila-isms from the last little while:
1)
Me: I don't like it when you do that
Leila: (in a rebellious, come-back tone) Ya?! Well. . .I like yooou! And . . . you like . . .MEEE! (being cute/sweet--even if it's not on purpose is a good way to not get in trouble!)
2)
Leila: You're good for me. . .you're a great mom! *AWWW!*
3)
She made up a new creature called a "vampirate" (vampire/pirate). Pretty clever I thought!
Leila loves to do people's hair. This is her doing
one of her Aunt's hair. She used my nursing cover
as a cape and tangled little fishies from a fishing game
between her locks!
4)
Robby: What does "question" start with?
Leila: Kuh kuh question. K?
Robby: No. Qu qu question.
Leila: Question mark?
5)
Leila's Freudian slip: Dad, when are you leaving right now? (Sometimes she just wants him to leave because she knows that as soon as Dad leaves for work, Mom goes and takes a shower and Leila gets to watch kid's songs on YouTube).
6)
Stranger at party: Where is your Sister?
Leila: Heidi is sick. She throwed up. (Makes gagging noise and sticks out tongue to demonstrate).
That's all for now! Hopefully I'll post more of these little moments before another six months goes by!
And as I mentioned in my last post, it's been amazing ( and surprisingly so)!! I'm living the dream being married to a man this good! So sometimes I sit back and think. . .what has made our marriage this good?
The top 3 reasons why I think our marriage works so well:
1) Having the gospel of Jesus Christ in our lives and striving to live by its principles.
2) Key personality traits and communication patterns that my husband brought into our marriage and is teaching me by his example.
3) Four goals we set on our honeymoon that bring us closer to each other and to the Lord.
Some other time I would like to expand on the first two, but for right now I'm going to delve into the four goals we've been striving for over the past four years.
No, this isn't a hidden pregnancy announcement. This is us when
I was pregnant with Heidi :)
On our honeymoon, we went out for dinner one night. My brand new husband had brought along his notebook and promptly pulled it out after we were seated. With his typical boyish glow in his eye he said "I think we should set some goals together!" I thought he was cute (and that it was a good idea), so we did.
We talked about how our relationship was important to us and that we wanted to keep it that way. We also wanted to qualify for Heavenly Father's blessings. So the foundation was laid and the goals fell into place. They are simple, but "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass" (Alma 37:6).
1. Go on weekly dates. My husband brought this up and I thought it was a great idea, but I suggested that we define a date. I said " I can just see me in a few years, a couple of kids later. We're sitting in front of the TV, maybe on the same couch, watching a movie for our date and I'm. . .folding mountains of laundry" (why not double-task, right?).
So to prevent that, I suggested the rule that our date has to be out of the house. Also, if we go on a double date, that doesn't count as our date, because we wouldn't really be dating each other, we would be dating (strengthening our relationship with) the other couple. So double dates are OK. . . but we also need a date for just us that week. Another rule is that it's not much of a date when the kids are with us, so most of our dates have to be without the kids (and we probably only bring them with us once every two or three months, so I feel alright about that.) We've had dates every week of our marriage so far; and I tell ya what, when life gets hard with the kids, I look forward to those dates like Christmas!
A selfie from a date (on our anniversary!)
"Many couples permit their marriages to become stale and their love to grow cold like old bread or worn-out jokes or cold gravy. These people will do well to reevaluate, to renew their courting, to express their affection, to acknowledge kindness, and to increase their consideration so their marriage again can become beautiful, sweet, and growing. . . .[R]eal, lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive." -Spencer W. Kimball
2. Attend the temple three times per month. My husband and I aimed for a temple wedding, but it wasn't just because we wanted our wedding pictures outside of a beautiful building--we wanted our family to be together forever! To have such a blessing though, it takes more than just exchanging wedding vows, it's a life-long process of keeping our temple covenants. By attending the temple often, we can remember the covenants we made there. We decided to set a goal to each go to the temple three times per month. I remember being a young teenager and sitting with my family on the pew at church. A high councilman was speaking that Sunday and for some reason, what he said has never left me. He told the congregation that too many of us aren't going to the temple often enough because couples are waiting until it's convenient to go as a couple. . .and that time never comes (or it rarely comes). As nice as it is to go as a couple, the priority is to remember (and in effect, renew) those precious covenants and to do work for our dead. With that in mind, there are many months that my husband and I don't get to go together as a couple, instead we go six separate times. The blessings are still evident!
Going this often has been tricky at times, especially on months where we've had a baby, but we've only fallen short one month! "Frequent participation in temple service and regular family scripture study nourish a marriage and strengthen faith within a family." -Russell M Nelson
3. Read a chapter of The Book of Mormon together every day. When we married, the man who performed the ceremony (the sealer) talked about the sacredness of temple marriage and gave us some marriage advice. One of the things he said was that reading a chapter of The Book of Mormon together every day would strengthen our marriage. We have done that and have recently finished our sixth time through! Our 3-year-old has joined with us now and will repeat phrases after we read them until she finishes a verse or two. This can be a little wild with a toddler and a baby and it's not always super spiritual, but I feel like the Lord is pleased with our efforts. We have missed maybe 3 or 4 times simply from forgetting--oops!
“I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents will read from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our homes and all who dwell therein. The spirit of reverence will increase; mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to the counsel of their parents. Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity—the pure love of Christ—will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy, and hapBenson. Ezra T. Benson
Our Family of Four
4. Pray as a couple together every night. This is another item that our sealer recommended to us in the temple. This helps to bring the Spirit and unites us as a couple. I love hearing my husband thank Heavenly Father for me--it gives me warm fuzzies :) I also love praying for specific things for him--to express my appreciation or ask for special blessings for him. "I know of no single activity that has more potential for unifying our families and bringing more love and divine direction into our homes than consistent, fervent family prayer." -John H Groberg
These are four goals that have blessed our family. What goals have you set in your relationships?
"Make sure your words are soft and sweet, cuz ya never know how many you'll have to eat!"
Never have I found that to be more true than in becoming a parent. Yep, karma has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you have children. You grow up thinking that parenting can't be all that hard and without meaning to, you pile up a list of things you've seen other people do but will NEVER do when you have kids:
Note: If any of these judgments describe you or your children, pretty please don't harbor sore feelings. I promise I don't judge you anymore!
Although I no longer purposely judge other parents, I think it might be too late to escape the karma of my previous judging. Just keep watching my Facebook/blog posts. I'm bound to end up with a 3-year-old with a binkie, a kid on a leash, and kids going for rides underneath the grocery cart! And to be honest, with how many times I internally scoffed at those things. . .I would be getting my just desserts!
Here's my daughter about the time I tried potty training her. . .one time.
One thing that I often judged was kids who were still in diapers. I always thought it was weird when 3 year-olds needed their bums changed. The mind-chatter surrounding my judgement went something like this: Your kids is walking, climbing, jumping, and starting to dress themselves . . . and they can't walk themselves over to the potty? Not only can they talk, they can form full sentences, count to ten, and recognize letters, and they can't tell you when they need to sit on the potty? They're aware of how hungry/full, thirsty, cold, hot, or tired they are and they can't recognize that their bladder is full? Well, going back to the karma idea. . .I'm a stay-at-home mom. My daughter turned three without any desire to potty train. Her motor skills are fine, she can physically do it. She talks like a champ; she speaks in complete sentences (almost non-stop), and she has been communicating about many of her physical needs since she was a year old. This girl had the motor skills, verbal skills, and self-awareness and yet. . .when she was 26 months old I tried the just-go-straight-to-using-underwear method and this was my experience:
Gave Leila a bath I got her out and said “let’s have you go potty!” she said “no. not yet!”
Put her panties on--immediately peed (Potty accident #1)
Back in bath, washed off I asked “do you need to go potty?” she said “No. Don’t need to go potty.” I believed her because. . .she just went.
We got ready to go to the playground behind our house. As we were walking down the steps outside, she made a puddle on the stair (Potty accident #2).
Back inside, cleaned up. Panties on. had her sit on potty--nothing, went outside, she went down the slide once, then looked concerned and said “wipe”--meaning she wants a wipe to clean herself off (Potty accident #3).
Cleaned up. Had her sit on potty. Peed a few drops. Panties on. Went to the kitchen, sat in high chair, had a few grapes, then “wipe!” (Potty accident #4).
Had her sit on the potty, not sure if it was new stuff because. . . I forgot to clean it out from last time (oops!), but the potty sang it’s victory music. Put her panties back on, helped her wash her hands (having her propped up on my bent leg as usual). . .and she peed. . . on my leg. (Potty accident #5).
Cleaned up. Diaper this time. Ate a few grapes. Then distressed look and “potty!” She had peed a little in her diaper (Potty “accident” #6), but then I had her sit on the potty AGAIN and she peed quite a bit! Frankly. . .I was a little too exhausted to celebrate, but I managed to cheer for her a little :)
Believe it or not, this all happened in FORTY-FIVE MINUTES!
I posted this episode on Facebook nine months ago when this happened. A friend commented that potty training will be successful when my little girl is "ready" for it. "Ready?! Oh this girl is ready!" I thought. "ya, she has sufficient motor skills, verbal skills, and self-awareness. She's ready, she's just not WILLING!" I was frazzled. But then. . .there's a lesson in that isn't there? For children, it comes down to more than child development. Adults may do things even when they don't want to do them, but with kids "willing" and "able" are an inseparable pair. Since my daughter didn't want to potty train. . .and since my brains were scrambled, we put the brakes on potty training for a time.
Through my adventures in motherhood, I've learned at least four things:
Kids are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get (and I don't just mean gender).
Parents are people too, and sometimes us people just gotta do what we gotta do to survive the day!
When kids aren't progressing in various ways, it's not always for lack of effort on the parents part
Perhaps instead of judging those struggling parents for their children's behavior, I should have applauded them for their their patience and humility.
Tell me--what did you previously judge parents about? Or what should you stop judging parents about so that you don't one day get bit by "bad karma"?
This is my little diaper girl. . .actually this picture is a story all on its own. . .cuz those aren't Huggies, they are Depends. Ask me about it some time :)
P.S. The inspiration for posting all this is because Leila has been doing well on the potty the last few days. I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch, but you might see an upcoming post about how we successfully potty-trained our daughter :)
I can remember back to the time that I was a new stay-at-home mom, when playgroups, middle-of-the night feedings, teething, blow-outs and all the rest of it were still new to me. At playgroup one day, a lady from my church turned down a snack for her baby because he was allergic. She expanded on this and listed the many things he was allergic to. "Wow! That sounds HARD" I thought. How awful to have to choose between either cutting those foods out of your whole family's diet or making something special for that one child for every meal! And of course, that trial paled in comparison to the worry that her child could have an allergic reaction which could vary from mild to severe. . .or even life threatening. I couldn't help but hope that I would never find myself in her shoes. Then a funny thing happened--funny mostly because of the simple circumstance which gave way to it--I felt a powerful and clear prompting from the Spirit. It was a thought that didn't come from me. It was like a voice of a parent or teacher giving me instruction contrary to what I was then thinking. The voice was accompanied by a warm feeling of comfort that swept over my body. The thought was "it's OK. dealing with a child's allergies is doable. If you were called to pass through this trial, you could do it and so can this Mother. There are things so much harder than allergies and still so much to be grateful for." This experience took me aback a little. Allergies? Why would I have such a profound experience about allergies?! I don't have food allergies. . .neither does my husband. In such a case children rarely get food allergies. Surely my children won't. But so strong were the feelings that I had, that I kept it in my back pocket, just in case.
This is a picture of Leila soon after finding out that taking her off gluten and
dairy made her much happier.
This is us at the 4th of July party. I'd like to say that Heidi's cheeks were red from watermelon juice, but it's just the eczema.
Fast forward months later and I found out my Leila's moody temperament was not just happenstance, but likely due to allergies (see my "Free From Gluten Free" post). That was trying at first--trying to figure out what I could make for her that didn't contain two whole food groups. At times I would be panicked because I would realize there was literally nothing in the house I could feed my child, but I soon adjusted. When Heidi was born, she was a sweet little soul from the very beginning. However, there were times when she would seem a little colicky in the first month. Due to my experience with Leila, I decided to cut out milk to see if that would make a difference. Sure enough, not only did the colic stop, but Heidi almost never spit up! At six months of age, I thought perhaps her stomach had matured enough that I could resume drinking milk. It seemed successful--she wasn't crying uncontrollably and she kept her food down. Great! But as time went on, the eczema that she'd always had to some degree, seemed to have gotten worse. Could it be due to my drinking milk again? As a few months passed, I couldn't help but think that my drinking milk was causing her cheeks to get so red, her skin to be flaky, itchy, and even scabby sometimes. So I got a referral to the allergist. The Doctor walked in to the old-fashioned clinic room, which made me feel like I had time warped back to the 70's. A kind, confident Doctor walked in, and before he sat down, he took one look at Heidi and touted "yep, looks like another case of eczema". He sounded almost bored. He portrayed that he was a little surprised to have me come in for such a common skin condition, and wondered if my pediatrician had also told me it was just eczema. "Yes. But I think it might also be related to a food allergy" I said. He nodded his head thoughtfully, then said "well, in 2/3 cases the eczema is just a skin condition--one she'll outgrow, which is likely what we are going to find today. . .in 1/3 cases, it's related to a food allergy. . . But it's worth checking, so that's what we'll do!" We were brought to another room where I removed Heidi's little dress and a nurse poked her in the back with the six main allergens--soybean, corn, eggs, milk, peanut, and wheat. She was a good sport. The sweet soul didn't cry, just looked a little confused. Then we had to wait for fifteen minutes for the reactions to be pronounced. My busy little monkey didn't want to stay put, so she crawled around the floors and cruised around the furniture, even meandering into the halls. All the while I had to make sure she didn't rub her back on anything, so that the the allergens would stay where they were--this proved to be harder than I thought. When the nurse came back she furrowed her brow and said "this isn't what we were wanting to see!" She measured each of the bright red welts on her back. Then I was brought back to another room to visit with the Doctor. He echoed the nurse by saying "these were not the results we were hoping for".
So here's the verdict: She has a full-blown allergy to milk and eggs, a sensitivity to soy, and a life-threatening allergy to peanuts! I could hardly believe it! Of course the most startling was the peanut allergy. "Will she outgrow it?" I immediately wondered and hoped. I learned that between 70-80% of children with milk, egg, and soy allergies outgrow them by the time they are 5 or 6, but only about 20% of children with peanut allergies EVER outgrow them. Heidi's peanut allergy is so severe that if she gets even a taste of it, she could go into anaphylactic shock--which means that her throat could swell up, cutting off her air flow, and she could suffocate. Speaking of shock. . .I was shocked! My angelic little baby, the one that not only lights up a room, but an entire grocery store as she sits in the cart, has a known Kryptonite? "Absolute peanut avoidance" was one of the notes taken by the doctor. We were to consider avoiding foods even processed in a facility that contain nuts, but this was left to our discretion. Ugh! It made me want to ban peanuts! As much as I love peanut butter truffle brownies, Reeses Pieces, and Moose Tracks ice cream, I would much rather live in a peanut-free world, to avoid the risk of losing my sweet child. To think--my baby's kryptonite will be in her friend's PB & J sandwich at lunchtime at school, it will be in her bag of halloween candy, it is hidden so sneakily into baked goods at church potlucks--I know! I've been the one to bake them! This peanut allergy means I will have to be careful, which is an adjective that simply doesn't describe me. (ex. in about six months I shattered the screen on my cell phone twice and lost another phone). But now I've got to kick it into high gear--I'll have no peanut butter or peanuts in my house. Not only that, but I need to warn all caregivers of this allergy and train them on how to use an Epipen! Yep. She's got one of those now! If I have anything to do with it, there will be signs on the doors of the nursery at church and school, indicating that this is a peanut-free zone.
Yes. I could be evolving into that mom
My new staples
It's hard to imagine that peanut butter is a common household staple across the country and all my little 9-month-old, 18 pound baby has to do is be a human vacuum (which is one of her favorite pass-times around the kitchen table) and pick up a crumb of peanut butter cookie and . . .but wait. What about that peace I felt 3 years ago; the one that I can recall so well, even today?
It reminds me of a scripture:
D&C 6:23 Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things.Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God? So as I get upset about this trial, I need to look back upon that quiet moment in the park and that peace I felt in my heart. Heavenly Father gave me peace and instruction before I even knew that allergies would ever be a trial in my family. And I DO know that this isn't the hardest thing I could go through. I feel for the parents who have to struggle daily with their child's severe physical and/or mental handicaps. I can't fathom what they're going through. But what is significant to me is that Heavenly Father knew that having children with allergies would be a trial for me. And what matters to me, matters to him. I don't know how things are going to pan out with our darling girl. I don't know if we'll be making multiple trips to the emergency room, and if administering an epipen will become as second nature as popping Tylenol, but I do know that Heavenly Father loves us and will take care of us :) Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
The Book of Mormon is amazing! Robby and I are just weeks away from reading it together for the 6th time and I have read it personally a dozen or so times (if I were to guess) and, like the Bible, I don't tire of it, I learn new things every time! It’s something I find I can easily relate to--finding parallels to my own life, tendencies, and trials. Some of those of you who are reading this may be familiar with the story of the broken bow from the Book of Mormon, but for those who are not, the full story is here, but I’ll also give a synopsis: Nephi was one of a party of people caravaning through the wilderness toward a promised land (think the Children of Israel in The Bible). This group of people hunted for their food. Nephi, who had the last working bow and arrow, broke his weapon. Now it seemed that the family was doomed to starvation. Nephi’s brothers were angry and everyone, including his father, the prophet, whined and complained.
*I should point out here that I’m not judging them! When I get hungry and I don’t know when I’m going to be able to eat again, I get “hangry” (hungry/angry), so I know I would be right there with them.*
Nephi on the other hand, had a different approach. He decided to DO something about his situation. If there’s something I’ve learned from my two-year-old, it’s that whining doesn’t get you what you want :) Amazingly, the same thing goes for adults, but some of us (like me. . .and Laman, Lemuel etc.) are slow learners. So what he does is he makes his own bow and arrow, asks his Father (because he’s the prophet) to ask the Lord where he should go to find food. Everyone humbles themselves, Nephi’s ne’r-do-well brothers behave--that is until the next chapter when they whine and complain about having to help build a ship (See 1 Nephi 17: 17,18, 50, 51 and 1 Nephi 18: 1-3). Nephi’s Father Lehi directs him where to go to find food and Nephi comes home with dinner.
OK. Now for the current-day application.
Sometimes we are given trials that overwhelm us and responsibilities that seem beyond our ability to fulfill. We may want to murmur and complain like Laman and Lemuel and say “this is hard! I can’t do this!” . . .I tend to do this a lot, particularly about the difficulties of motherhood; but when I think like this, I just sink into a downward spiral of ingratitude, self-pity, and hard-heartedness. Instead, I can choose to trust the Lord (like Nephi) by calling upon him for strength to do the things that I feel are beyond my capacity. I can ask where I should go, or what I should do to make life better, or to simply find peace amidst the storms of toddlerhood. I can act! If I do, I will still have hard things in front of me (heavens knows there are harder things than having a child in her terrible twos, or even than not knowing how you’re going to get your next meal) but if we call upon the Lord for help and are willing to act, Nephi and I. . .and all of God’s children, can face trials with courage, increased capacity, and an assurance that the Lord won’t let us fail. See below for more.
Post-Script
Here are some of my favorite "you can DO it!/be happy" scriptures.
Click on the reference to go to the actual scripture:
Synopsis: We can be happy in tribulation because Christ, through the Atonement has overcome all tribulation. The Lord wants us to find peace in this truth.
I like May long weekend! That's when Robby and I get to reset for the year. Robby and I like to travel, so we make sacrifices in some areas partly so that we can splurge in that area. Traveling together, particularly without children, really refreshes us. This is especially true of Robby. He will talk about our last trip until the next trip! He'll say "wasn't that New York trip Great?!" or "Thanks for going to "New York with me!" We have almost been married for 4 years and May has always been a time to look forward to! Here's our travel record just for the month of May:
2012: Miami (I was 7 1/2 months pregnant with Leila)
2013: Thailand (ALONE!) AND Mexico (with Leila). It would have been nice to split up trips so as to spread out the fun. However, we already had our Thailand trip booked for months when Robby's work told us they were taking us on a Mexico trip.
2014: New York City (Alone and 5 months pregnant with Heidi)
2015: San Francisco!!! (with Heidi--the cute little thing isn't into baby food or bottles, so she can't be far from Mama for long).
Robby has a work conference this week. So we decided to take advantage of the fact that there is a long weekend beforehand and I came out with him to Cali for a few days before I go to Utah solo to wrangle the kids while he soaks up education to apply to his job.
We got here yesterday--Saturday. We left Utah where it has been raining for what seems like 2 solid weeks and hoped to see some good California sun. It was actually pretty similar in Utah when we left as it was in California when we arrived--pretty overcast. But we continued with our plans to go to Muir Woods anyway--a Redwoods forest.
On the way there we stopped for lunch at a Farmer's Market in Marin, CA. I love Farmer's Markets! It's interesting that the people who man the booths--entrepreneurs of sorts, often believing in organic fruit, all-natural lotion or homemade yogurt as though it were their religion, can be so chill, almost hippy-like! It's such an oxymoron to me--laid back salesmen.
We split a brat hot dog and a chicken, mushroom, cheese, sour cream stuffed buckwheat crepe. Both were very yummy! Then we sat down and enjoyed our food while watching a little band.
Then we continued on our way to the forest--It was beautiful--the sun came out which broke through the thick forest canopy and warmed up the fresh, moist air.
Redwoods can get about 300 feet high!
After the forest, we drove back toward where we would stay for the night--in Castro Valley. On the way we drove over Golden Gate bridge!! I know. It's just a bridge. But I've dreamed of seeing that bridge since I was a kid and watched Full House :) Right beside it is Golden Gate park. We took a walk around there for awhile. Heidi squawked at the Canadian Geese (I think she was saying "my Mom's Canadian too!!) and the pigeons. Since then, she periodically seems to make purring noises like a pigeon. There were also some cute little turtles in a pond.
My phone was dead at this point and that was our only camera. So I didn't get pictures of the park. I'm learning something though--just because you don't have pictures to prove it, doesn't mean it didn't happen!
After stopping at a Sub place called Togo's for a quick dinner we headed to our accommodations. We would be staying in the basement of "some guy's house". That's generally how we do things since we use airbnb.com. I've said this before, but it's a website where people can rent out whatever they have and it ends up being more of an adventure and less expensive than a hotel. We were thinking we had hooked ourself up with some pretty sweet digs when we pulled into this neighborhood of townhomes. However, when we called the guy, we found out we were. . .in the wrong place.
This is the right place.
You can't tell from the picture, but to the left, there's a makeshift barn with hay bales inside and a tarp as a wall. To the right is a run down house, further down is scrap metal all over the place and at the end of it all is the place we would be staying. . .home sweet home (for three days).
When the little Asian man and his 4 year old boy showed us around the basement suite, the first thing we noticed was the smell--raw sewage. STRONG! Everything else seemed just fine. Everything seemed in good condition. He made certain to point out the new kitchenware including a new pan on the stove. The place had been renovated recently with new laminate floors and fixtures. When he showed us the bathroom, the stench was almost overwhelming. He said "it looks not so clean in here, but we cleaned it". It wasn't the looks so much! Goodness, could he not smell that?! Anyway, he finished showing us around and Robby asked where the playpen was. Before we came, Robby had called the man to find out if he had a playpen for Heidi to sleep in. We thought this was pretty likely seeing as we could tell from his online profile that he had children. He had affirmed to Robby that he did have one. Heidi was about an hour past her bedtime when we arrived, so we were ready to put her down as she was getting pretty fussy (hence our promptly inquiring about the whereabouts of the playpen). He looked confused and said "play. . .pen?" "Ya. . ." Robby said. "for our baby to sleep in". "Ohhh! I thought you meant a pan. . .to cook in. I asked my wife "what is a plate pan and she also thought it was a pan!" No wonder he had called special attention to the pan on the stove! Now where was our baby going to sleep? . . .Hmmmm... Robby probed to find out what he had. It turned out he had a wooden bed with railings at another house. He went out to retrieve it while Robby went to the grocery store to buy food for Sunday. After probably an hour and a half to two hours, the bed was finally setup and I was able to lay Heidi down. You'd think at this point she would pass out instantly from exhaustion, but no. This wasn't her crib, so she cried for around an hour. Ugh! Traveling with babies is not such a relaxing get-away, but we're still having fun.
