The Karma of Parenthood

 A dear friend of mine used to say:

"Make sure your words are soft and sweet, cuz ya never know how many you'll have to eat!"

Never have I found that to be more true than in becoming a parent. Yep, karma has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you have children. You grow up thinking that parenting can't be all that hard and without meaning to, you pile up a list of things you've seen other people do but will NEVER do when you have kids:

• I won't use a playpen 
• I will never let the highchair get that gross 
• I won't let my baby cry herself to sleep (see blog post: Looking Back: Sleep Training) 
• I won't yell at my kids

 . . .HA HA HA! Riiiight.

Note: If any of these judgments describe you or your children, pretty please don't harbor sore feelings. I promise I don't judge you anymore!

Although I no longer purposely judge other parents, I think it might be too late to escape the karma of my previous judging. Just keep watching my Facebook/blog posts. I'm bound to end up with a 3-year-old with a binkie, a kid on a leash, and kids going for rides underneath the grocery cart! And to be honest, with how many times I internally scoffed at those things. . .I would be getting my just desserts!

Here's my daughter about the time I tried potty training her. . .one time.

One thing that I often judged was kids who were still in diapers. I always thought it was weird when 3 year-olds needed their bums changed. The mind-chatter surrounding my judgement went something like this: Your kids is walking, climbing, jumping, and starting to dress themselves . . . and they can't walk themselves over to the potty? Not only can they talk, they can form full sentences, count to ten, and recognize letters, and they can't tell you when they need to sit on the potty? They're aware of how hungry/full, thirsty, cold, hot, or tired they are and they can't recognize that their bladder is full? Well, going back to the karma idea. . .I'm a stay-at-home mom. My daughter turned three without any desire to potty train. Her motor skills are fine, she can physically do it. She talks like a champ; she speaks in complete sentences (almost non-stop), and she has been communicating about many of her physical needs since she was a year old. This girl had the motor skills, verbal skills, and self-awareness and yet. . .when she was 26 months old I tried the just-go-straight-to-using-underwear method and this was my experience:

1. Gave Leila a bath I got her out and said “let’s have you go potty!” she said “no. not yet!” 
2. Put her panties on--immediately peed (Potty accident #1) 
3. Back in bath, washed off I asked “do you need to go potty?” she said “No. Don’t need to go potty.” I believed her because. . .she just went. 
4. We got ready to go to the playground behind our house. As we were walking down the steps outside, she made a puddle on the stair (Potty accident #2). 
5. Back inside, cleaned up. Panties on. had her sit on potty--nothing, went outside, she went down the slide once, then looked concerned and said “wipe”--meaning she wants a wipe to clean herself off (Potty accident #3). 
6. Cleaned up. Had her sit on potty. Peed a few drops. Panties on. Went to the kitchen, sat in high chair, had a few grapes, then “wipe!” (Potty accident #4). 
7. Had her sit on the potty, not sure if it was new stuff because. . . I forgot to clean it out from last time (oops!), but the potty sang it’s victory music. Put her panties back on, helped her wash her hands (having her propped up on my bent leg as usual). . .and she peed. . . on my leg. (Potty accident #5).
8. Cleaned up. Diaper this time. Ate a few grapes. Then distressed look and “potty!” She had peed a little in her diaper (Potty “accident” #6), but then I had her sit on the potty AGAIN and she peed quite a bit! Frankly. . .I was a little too exhausted to celebrate, but I managed to cheer for her a little :)

Believe it or not, this all happened in FORTY-FIVE MINUTES!

I posted this episode on Facebook nine months ago when this happened. A friend commented that potty training will be successful when my little girl is "ready" for it. "Ready?! Oh this girl is ready!" I thought. "ya, she has sufficient motor skills, verbal skills, and self-awareness. She's ready, she's just not WILLING!" I was frazzled. But then. . .there's a lesson in that isn't there? For children, it comes down to more than child development. Adults may do things even when they don't want to do them, but with kids "willing" and "able" are an inseparable pair. Since my daughter didn't want to potty train. . .and since my brains were scrambled, we put the brakes on potty training for a time.


Through my adventures in motherhood, I've learned at least four things: 

1. Kids are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get (and I don't just mean gender).
2. Parents are people too, and sometimes us people just gotta do what we gotta do to survive the day!
3. When kids aren't progressing in various ways, it's not always for lack of effort on the parents part
4. Perhaps instead of judging those struggling parents for their children's behavior, I should have applauded them for their their patience and humility.

Tell me--what did you previously judge parents about? Or what should you stop judging parents about so that you don't one day get bit by "bad karma"?

This is my little diaper girl. . .actually this picture is a story all on its own. . .cuz those 
aren't Huggies, they are Depends. Ask me about it some time :)

P.S. The inspiration for posting all this is because Leila has been doing well on the potty the last few days. I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch, but you might see an upcoming post about how we successfully potty-trained our daughter :)