Potty Training: Two Steps Forward and One Step Back (The Airplane Blowout)

The day had started well! We had packed the night before and only needed to gather a few last minute things like toothbrushes and makeup. We had selected a great time for our flight to Victoria so that we didn't have to rush. On top of that, we were actually leaving the house looking pretty clean, so we could even look forward to returning home! I was walking around our apartment with a little extra bounce in my step. "Family vacation hasn't gone this smoothly since. . .well. . .I don't think it's ever gone this smoothly" I thought. I smiled as I remembered the flat tire we got on the way back from California and ended up sleeping in the car between semi's at a rest stop in Nevada because we couldn't find a hotel. . .that we were willing to pay for. Or the time that we woke up late, were out of gas and had to find a gas station which turned out to be way off the beaten path, ran through the airport as our names were being paged over the intercom, making it to our gate as they were closing it, relieved that the TSA employee who found a butter knife in Robby's backpack let us through. . . But this vacation was going to go great because we were off to a nice start!

Here are the girls the day before we left for vacation

Robby's mom dropped us off at the airport and we leisurely walked in, knowing we had plenty of time. I handed Leila a muffin to fill her tummy and keep her occupied. After Robby had checked himself and Leila in at the kiosk, my "perfect-vacation-bubble" popped--Leila vomited all over her shirt, pants, and the stroller! Luckily we had our luggage still, so Robby whisked the Leila-stroller package off to the bathroom, changed, her rinsed the umbrella stroller in the sink, threw out the pants that were too small for her anyway, bagged the pukey shirt and returned to my side as I was checking our bags. OK, a minor hiccup on the outset of our trip, but we glided through that just fine! This was going to be a good day still! We made it to our layover airport in Seattle, a little tired of occupying two busy girls, but nothing unusual for a day in the life of a parent.

After having some trouble finding our new gate, Leila said she had pooped in her diaper. I asked Robby to take Leila to the bathroom and change her diaper. He went into the men's bathroom, but there was no changing table (what is up with that by the way?) So he looked all over for a family bathroom. When that was fruitless, he settled on changing her diaper on the counter in the men's bathroom. A little flustered by now, he opened her diaper to find. . . no poop. He returned feeling spent. I, not picking up on this and learning of her poop-free diaper, asked Robby if he would take her to the potty so she could go poop before our next flight.

Aside: As an update on the potty-training adventure, Leila had been doing awesome--keeping her pull-up clean all day except for when she napped or slept at night. And even then, she sometimes woke up "clean and dry".

Since this picture, she has learned how to
wear underwear correctly :)

Robby brought her to the toilet, not at all thrilled by this point.
"OK. Go potty." This came off as too much of a command for Leila as this little threenager doesn't take orders from anybody!
"No!" she resisted.
"Well, if you don't try now, you're not going to get to go on the plane. It's now or not at all!"
"That's OK! I don't need to go" she said.
"Alright! If you need to go on the plane you'll just have to go in your pull-up!"
Leila agreed and they came back to the gate to await our plane's arrival.

It was a small plane--about the size of a greyhound bus--two seats on either side of the aisle. As fate would have it, I ended up sitting next to Leila. Robby sat with Heidi on the other side of the aisle. We were seated smack dab in the middle of the plane--perfect--not too close to the stinky bathroom at the front, not so close to the back that we'll be the last off the plane! It wasn't long after we sat down that Leila insisted that she needed to go potty--of course.

"Nope. She's not going potty. She agreed that if she didn't go potty before she would just have to go in her pull-up. She said that was fine. She's not going potty" Robby insisted.
I stared at him hard. I understand following through, but the urge to go potty sometimes comes later than sooner. . .but I could tell he was resolute, so I backed him up.
"No Leila, you didn't go potty before. It's too late."
"But it's poop! I have to go poop!"
I turned to Robby to see if that new snippet of information would help him to let up. Nope.
"Sorry Leila. You'll just have to go in your pull-up. Your pull-up will catch it."
. . .or would it?. . .
Leila started to cry. The plane hasn't even left yet; It would be so much easier to take her to the potty. But my husband and I are a united front, so there we stayed. The plane took off and the poor girl was upset.
"It's coming out!"
I tried to comfort her, but it was in vain since I wouldn't be helping to relieve her discomfort.
"She had pooped in her diaper a thousand times before. I guess it wouldn't hurt if it was one more time?" I thought, trying to reason with myself.
"It's coming OOOOOUT!" she said, more loudly this time and with more anxiety in her voice.
"I know honey. . ."
"Noooo!" She cut me off. "It's coming out of my DIIIIIAPER!!!" she shrieked.
OH NO! I lifted her shirt.
"It's all over my shirt!" It sure was! liquid poop oozing out all over her pants and pouring onto the leather seat.
"Oooh! I'm sorry honey! It's OK!" I told her.
I threw a glare at Robby.

I scrambled and found the wipes in my diaper bag. I swept up the stinky mess with a wipe. The stench was surely filling the small plane from front to back. Maybe our centrally located seating arrangement wasn't so ideal after all. After scooping up the mess, I laid the wipes on the inside of a clean diaper so I could wrap it up when I was through. To what end was I wiping this up, I didn't know. There was still a poopy mess that couldn't be remedied without a washing machine and a shower, but I had to so something. Leila just cried and clung to my legs, burying her head in my lap. Within minutes, she fell asleep. There was mess, there was stink, but now there was relative calm with her passed out. That was Heidi's cue. Our plane started descending and she started to scream. Her ears must be popping! My plan had been to nurse her as we descended (the best way to help a baby who's ears are popping, because it encourages them to swallow). But now my hands were disgusting! I couldn't hold that girl! I definitely didn't want to pass the germs on to my baby. Irritated at the spot I found myself in, I turned my back to Robby as if to say "this is the mess you get to deal with!"

The flight ended and all the over-stimulated passengers vacated the airplane. We avoided eye contact with them and remained until the last passenger had left. Robby told a flight attendant that we had a poop accident. Bless her heart, you would have thought he had said we had dropped some pretzels with how calmly she reacted. "No problem! We'll send someone to clean it up!" Her calm reaction made me less anxious. Then a male employee entered the plane. The flight attendant asked him to call for a clean up.
"What kind of a clean up?" he asked, looking puzzled.
"poop" she said matter-of-factly.
"POOP?! You mean like. . .POOP?! What, is it like, SMEARED all over the seat or something?!"
--Two strikes for males in the poop department today--
She calmly explained the incident and brought out some sanitary wipes and Delta imprinted grocery bags to help out.
We woke Leila up to an empty plane, stripped her down completely and wiped her off. We put her poopy clothes in a bag to bring with us and wash. . .which we accidentally left on the plane. This time we didn't have a change of clothes for her so after putting a new pull-up on her, she donned Robby's purple hoody.  It went clear down to her ankles.

She looked like a hobo child. I know, because that's what a stranger said as we were walking through the Victoria airport.

Leila had diarrhea for the first few days of our vacation. That mixed with the with the changes in setting and schedule that vacations inevitably present, Leila was set back a couple of weeks on potty-training. We got back two weeks ago yesterday and we're just now getting back to the stage we were at before we left--she's doing great! And I'm glad to say that adventure in potty training is over. . .and at least we got to return to home to a clean apartment :)

This was the flight home. #Both kids sleeping. #Dream come true. #God's tender mercies.

Potty Training: 2 Steps Forward

Being that my naive mind had presupposed and determined that Leila would be potty trained by 2 1/2, you can imagine that I felt a little uneasy as her 3rd birthday loomed closer. And not only was she not potty-trained, she would say something that I had heard other precocious toddlers announce. She had said something that I had rolled my eyes at and judged mothers for and for which I am now eating karma pie. She had repeatedly declared "Mom! I'm poopy! Can you change my diaper please?" (. . .at least she used manners right?!) Or worse: "Mom! Guess what?! I'm POOPING right NOW! Ha ha ha ha ha!" Yep! She was mocking me! I was sure. I was THAT kid's mother!

I knew this little girl was aware of her physical functions, but why was she so attached to her diaper? One time I was giving her a bath and she got a nervous look on her face. "oh! oh! oh! I gotta go pee!" she said anxiously.
"oh great!" I thought, "she's telling me when she needs to go potty! This is progress". But my excitement was premature. "I'll put you on the potty. . ."
"No!" I was cut off by my resolute toddler.
"Why not?!" I implored, "it's RIGHT here!"
"No! In my diaper! Get my diaper on! I just wanna pee in my diaper!".
I tried to reason with her, but two-year-olds and reason go together about as well as oil and water, right? So eventually I succumbed and just put the diaper on. The very second the last tab was secured, the flood gates opened and that diaper immediately expanded to full capacity. So I was just left muttering under my breath as I sauntered off to grab yet another fresh diaper.

 On the bright side, this and other similar experiences, were evidence that she could "hold it" really well. . . just maybe too well! In light of that, I ended up making up some new lyrics to a catchy little song you might know. It's called "Let it go".

Let it Go
Let it go, let it go, can't hold it anymore
Let it go, let it go, when I walk through the bathroom door
Here I'll sit, and here I'll stay, 'til the pee comes out
I don't need a diaper anyway!

Rightly or wrongly I had tried (in vain of course) to get her to want to be potty trained: "You're a big girl, big girls don't go in diapers", "it's so much cleaner when you go on the potty", and "it doesn't stick to you if you go on the potty". A friend of mine had read a potty training book of some kind and said you are supposed to treat it with disgust so that they are grossed out by using a diaper. I tried that: "Ewww! Changing your poopy diaper is really gross!"

Then, on a day when I felt a little more patient with the whole potty training business, I made a statement that incidentally got the ball rolling: "You know what?! Your best friend was potty-trained at the age of 3!" To which she momentarily stared off in the distance, then met my gaze and said "I'm gonna go on the potty when I'm 3!" This was a couple months before the big birthday arrived. So to my chagrin, every time I suggested she try to go potty she responded "nope! I'm gonna go potty when I'm 3!" So of course I awaited her birthday with anxious anticipation. The day came and I had an enormous box of pull-ups all ready to go. Then I resorted to techniques found in a book my friend, Caitlin suggested: 

Potty Training 1-2-3: What Works, How it Works, Why it Works by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo (FYI Gary Ezzo wrote Baby Wise--you may have heard of it?)

Instead of trying to persuade your child to "go" on the potty from the outset, the focus is initially on staying clean and dry. Mom uses a baby doll to show the child that he or she is supposed to be clean and dry. Both dolly and child get candy if they're clean and dry and they get two treats if either dolly or child go on the potty.

Hiding candy and dollar store toys in 

eggs made the reward process more fun.

Here's how it worked for us: Day 1
I showed Leila the baby doll and introduced the concept of clean and dry. We set a timer and every 15 minutes I would ask "is the baby clean and dry? Are you clean and dry?" (She got way too much candy that day!)

Day 2
The second day we didn't really need the dolly anymore--Leila got the concept. Instead, we focused on whether or not Leila was clean and dry. Leila sat on her princess potty and went a couple times.

Day 3
We tried the real potty (AKA toilet). She sat on the toilet and I walked into her bedroom to put something away. As I walked back, I said "did you go potty?" to which she answered in the most discouraged yet sincere voice "nooo. . .I didn't. . .I'm sorry!" I assured the poor sweet thing that it was OK! She didn't have to be sorry! I assured her that she was doing great just by trying, and she would figure it out eventually! That turned a switch on in her head--one that lit up her face and seemed to give her confidence; because once I gave her that permission to "fail" or rather, communicated that not peeing wasn't a total fail, she relaxed and things happened so much more smoothly! She peed! And after that, I no longer needed to give her candy for being clean and dry --only for when she went pee on the potty.

Day 4
Another cool thing happened! I was super impressed with her--she would stop watching songs on the computer (our typical ritual for while I'm taking a shower) so that she could run to the bathroom and go pee! I wasn't even having to ask as much--she was saying "momma! I want to go pee!"
She went six times that day!

Leila, happily sitting on her princess potty!

Day 16
She went poop on the potty!!! Hooray! We celebrated of course! Leila knew exactly how she wanted to celebrate--"I want to go to the car cart store (Macey's) and I want to sit in the car cart until we get me some chocolate ice cream and then I want to sit at the tables" We had a lot of fun eating our ice cream cones and trading cones every lick! I'd share a pic, but I forgot my phone at home--and all for the better, I just got to thoroughly enjoy our little date :)

She got more brave and started going at public restrooms. Leila even kept her pull-up clean and dry through all 2 hours of nursery, then went potty after that! Every once in a while she will just run to the bathroom by herself and go from A to Z without any help! Not bad right?! I'm proud of this little girl!

Now let me tell you that just because we had some success doesn't mean this is going to work for everyone. Every kid is different, every parent is different and for all I know it might just have worked because the ninth try (with potty training my strong-willed child) is a charm. So . . .if you're thinking that pulling your eyeballs out would be preferable to the adventures of potty training, just hold on for that ninth attempt :) --see more about our potty training misadventures here.

And if you think we rode off into the sunset of panty land after this. . .oh! Just wait for the sequel. . .my next blog post will be titled something like "Potty Training: Two Steps Forward and One Step Back (the airplane blowout)."

Four Years, A Family of Four, and Our Four Goals

A couple days ago was our anniversary! Hooray! 

And as I mentioned in my last post, it's been amazing ( and surprisingly so)!! I'm living the dream being married to a man this good! So sometimes I sit back and think. . .what has made our marriage this good? 

The top 3 reasons why I think our marriage works so well:

1) Having the gospel of Jesus Christ in our lives and striving to live by its principles.

2) Key personality traits and communication patterns that my husband brought into our marriage and is teaching me by his example.

3) Four goals we set on our honeymoon that bring us closer to each other and to the Lord.

Some other time I would like to expand on the first two, but for right now I'm going to delve into the four goals we've been striving for over the past four years.

No, this isn't a hidden pregnancy announcement. This is us when
I was pregnant with Heidi :)

On our honeymoon, we went out for dinner one night. My brand new husband had brought along his notebook and promptly pulled it out after we were seated. With his typical boyish glow in his eye he said "I think we should set some goals together!" I thought he was cute (and that it was a good idea), so we did. 

We talked about how our relationship was important to us and that we wanted to keep it that way. We also wanted to qualify for Heavenly Father's blessings. So the foundation was laid and the goals fell into place. They are simple, but "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass" (Alma 37:6).

1. Go on weekly dates. My husband brought this up and I thought it was a great idea, but I suggested that we define a date. I said " I can just see me in a few years, a couple of kids later. We're sitting in front of the TV, maybe on the same couch, watching a movie for our date and I'm. . .folding mountains of laundry" (why not double-task, right?). 

So to prevent that, I suggested the rule that our date has to be out of the house. Also, if we go on a double date, that doesn't count as our date, because we wouldn't really be dating each other, we would be dating (strengthening our relationship with) the other couple. So double dates are OK. . . but we also need a date for just us that week. Another rule is that it's not much of a date when the kids are with us, so most of our dates have to be without the kids (and we probably only bring them with us once every two or three months, so I feel alright about that.) We've had dates every week of our marriage so far; and I tell ya what, when life gets hard with the kids, I look forward to those dates like Christmas!

A selfie from a date (on our anniversary!)

"Many couples permit their marriages to become stale and their love to grow cold like old bread or worn-out jokes or cold gravy. These people will do well to reevaluate, to renew their courting, to express their affection, to acknowledge kindness, and to increase their consideration so their marriage again can become beautiful, sweet, and growing. . . .[R]eal, lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive." -Spencer W. Kimball

2.  Attend the temple three times per month. My husband and I aimed for a temple wedding, but it wasn't just because we wanted our wedding pictures outside of a beautiful building--we wanted our family to be together forever! To have such a blessing though, it takes more than just exchanging wedding vows, it's a life-long process of keeping our temple covenants. By attending the temple often, we can remember the covenants we made there. 

We decided to set a goal to each go to the temple three times per month. I remember being a young teenager and sitting with my family on the pew at church. A high councilman was speaking that Sunday and for some reason, what he said has never left me. He told the congregation that too many of us aren't going to the temple often enough because couples are waiting until it's convenient to go as a couple. . .and that time never comes (or it rarely comes). As nice as it is to go as a couple, the priority is to remember (and in effect, renew) those precious covenants and to do work for our dead. With that in mind, there are many months that my husband and I don't get to go together as a couple, instead we go six separate times. The blessings are still evident!

Going this often has been tricky at times, especially on months where we've had a baby, but we've only fallen short one month!

"Frequent participation in temple service and regular family scripture study nourish a marriage and strengthen faith within a family."
-Russell M Nelson

3. Read a chapter of The Book of Mormon together every day. When we married, the man who performed the ceremony (the sealer) talked about the sacredness of temple marriage and gave us some marriage advice. One of the things he said was that reading a chapter of The Book of Mormon together every day would strengthen our marriage. We have done that and have recently finished our sixth time through! Our 3-year-old has joined with us now and will repeat phrases after we read them until she finishes a verse or two. This can be a little wild with a toddler and a baby and it's not always super spiritual, but I feel like the Lord is pleased with our efforts. We have missed maybe 3 or 4 times simply from forgetting--oops!

“I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents will read from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our homes and all who dwell therein. The spirit of reverence will increase; mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to the counsel of their parents. Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity—the pure love of Christ—will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy, and hapBenson. Ezra T. Benson

Our Family of Four

4. Pray as a couple together every night. This is another item that our sealer recommended to us in the temple. This helps to bring the Spirit and unites us as a couple. I love hearing my husband thank Heavenly Father for me--it gives me warm fuzzies :) I also love praying for specific things for him--to express my appreciation or ask for special blessings for him.

"I know of no single activity that has more potential for unifying our families and bringing more love and divine direction into our homes than consistent, fervent family prayer." -John H Groberg

These are four goals that have blessed our family. What goals have you set in your relationships?

Four Years Down. . .and Marriage DOESN'T Suck!!!

Tomorrow is our fourth wedding anniversary! It's been a wonderful four years! In fact, it seems too good to be true!

How could marriage be this good?!  In all honesty, I was kinda bracing myself for marriage! I had heard how hard marriage was, I had seen the statistics in my major in college (Marriage and Family) and I had seen my parents marriage fail, so I mentally prepared myself for heated arguments followed by silent treatments, and crying myself to sleep. My vision of marriage came up while we were engaged--we talked about when we wanted to start having a family. He suggested we shoot for a honeymoon baby, with the justification of "why not?!"

I may have given him an earful at that point!

Why not?! Well, because marriage was going to be hard! It was going to be work! We were going to have to fight, because that's what two people do who come from different families and have different life experiences and upbringing. We were going to have to beat the kinks out of marriage before we add another kink to the rope! It was ironic that Robby was suggesting a honeymoon baby seeing as my Dad's one piece of marriage advice when Robby asked my dad if he could marry me was "don't have kids too early". . .There had to be a reason for that. I thought I was giving Robby an education in newlywedness "Robby, don't you know?. . .marriage is gonna kinda suck at first!" And Robby just responded ". . .OK" (more to say "well if that's how you feel about it" and not to say "thank you for bestowing your wealth of wisdom"). Honestly, I'm pretty lucky he married me after that! With an attitude like that, it could have become a self-fulfilled prophecy! Another thing I was preparing myself for was finding out who Robby really was after we got married, but at the same time I felt like he was super authentic, so I hoped it wouldn't be too bad. I was super blessed because low and behold

Robby was the real deal and . . .Marriage DIDN'T suck!

 Wheeeew! I'm sure glad I was wrong about it all! As wrong as I could be in fact! Robby was just as amazing as he seemed to be--kind, PATIENT, optimistic, righteous and the list goes on. Me on the other hand? I don't know what can prepare a man for an emotional female :) Maybe having five sisters?! ;) But with his optimism, he handles it like a champ! So after two months of marriage, I realized that marriage was wonderful and that probably wasn't going to change. That was nice. . .except, then I didn't have a reason to not have children. So we had one by our first anniversary :)

So what is marriage like really? I live with my best friend! I'm married to my eternal boyfriend, a man I look forward to going on vacations with, dates with, spending hum drum time with, daydreaming about, and welcoming home at the end of the day. Being married to Robby is so good that I hesitate to tell single people how good marriage is, because I might be setting them up for disappointment. After all, not everybody can marry Robby Parker.

The Karma of Parenthood

 A dear friend of mine used to say:

"Make sure your words are soft and sweet, cuz ya never know how many you'll have to eat!"

Never have I found that to be more true than in becoming a parent. Yep, karma has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you have children. You grow up thinking that parenting can't be all that hard and without meaning to, you pile up a list of things you've seen other people do but will NEVER do when you have kids:

• I won't use a playpen 
• I will never let the highchair get that gross 
• I won't let my baby cry herself to sleep (see blog post: Looking Back: Sleep Training) 
• I won't yell at my kids

 . . .HA HA HA! Riiiight.

Note: If any of these judgments describe you or your children, pretty please don't harbor sore feelings. I promise I don't judge you anymore!

Although I no longer purposely judge other parents, I think it might be too late to escape the karma of my previous judging. Just keep watching my Facebook/blog posts. I'm bound to end up with a 3-year-old with a binkie, a kid on a leash, and kids going for rides underneath the grocery cart! And to be honest, with how many times I internally scoffed at those things. . .I would be getting my just desserts!

Here's my daughter about the time I tried potty training her. . .one time.

One thing that I often judged was kids who were still in diapers. I always thought it was weird when 3 year-olds needed their bums changed. The mind-chatter surrounding my judgement went something like this: Your kids is walking, climbing, jumping, and starting to dress themselves . . . and they can't walk themselves over to the potty? Not only can they talk, they can form full sentences, count to ten, and recognize letters, and they can't tell you when they need to sit on the potty? They're aware of how hungry/full, thirsty, cold, hot, or tired they are and they can't recognize that their bladder is full? Well, going back to the karma idea. . .I'm a stay-at-home mom. My daughter turned three without any desire to potty train. Her motor skills are fine, she can physically do it. She talks like a champ; she speaks in complete sentences (almost non-stop), and she has been communicating about many of her physical needs since she was a year old. This girl had the motor skills, verbal skills, and self-awareness and yet. . .when she was 26 months old I tried the just-go-straight-to-using-underwear method and this was my experience:

1. Gave Leila a bath I got her out and said “let’s have you go potty!” she said “no. not yet!” 
2. Put her panties on--immediately peed (Potty accident #1) 
3. Back in bath, washed off I asked “do you need to go potty?” she said “No. Don’t need to go potty.” I believed her because. . .she just went. 
4. We got ready to go to the playground behind our house. As we were walking down the steps outside, she made a puddle on the stair (Potty accident #2). 
5. Back inside, cleaned up. Panties on. had her sit on potty--nothing, went outside, she went down the slide once, then looked concerned and said “wipe”--meaning she wants a wipe to clean herself off (Potty accident #3). 
6. Cleaned up. Had her sit on potty. Peed a few drops. Panties on. Went to the kitchen, sat in high chair, had a few grapes, then “wipe!” (Potty accident #4). 
7. Had her sit on the potty, not sure if it was new stuff because. . . I forgot to clean it out from last time (oops!), but the potty sang it’s victory music. Put her panties back on, helped her wash her hands (having her propped up on my bent leg as usual). . .and she peed. . . on my leg. (Potty accident #5).
8. Cleaned up. Diaper this time. Ate a few grapes. Then distressed look and “potty!” She had peed a little in her diaper (Potty “accident” #6), but then I had her sit on the potty AGAIN and she peed quite a bit! Frankly. . .I was a little too exhausted to celebrate, but I managed to cheer for her a little :)

Believe it or not, this all happened in FORTY-FIVE MINUTES!

I posted this episode on Facebook nine months ago when this happened. A friend commented that potty training will be successful when my little girl is "ready" for it. "Ready?! Oh this girl is ready!" I thought. "ya, she has sufficient motor skills, verbal skills, and self-awareness. She's ready, she's just not WILLING!" I was frazzled. But then. . .there's a lesson in that isn't there? For children, it comes down to more than child development. Adults may do things even when they don't want to do them, but with kids "willing" and "able" are an inseparable pair. Since my daughter didn't want to potty train. . .and since my brains were scrambled, we put the brakes on potty training for a time.


Through my adventures in motherhood, I've learned at least four things: 

1. Kids are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get (and I don't just mean gender).
2. Parents are people too, and sometimes us people just gotta do what we gotta do to survive the day!
3. When kids aren't progressing in various ways, it's not always for lack of effort on the parents part
4. Perhaps instead of judging those struggling parents for their children's behavior, I should have applauded them for their their patience and humility.

Tell me--what did you previously judge parents about? Or what should you stop judging parents about so that you don't one day get bit by "bad karma"?

This is my little diaper girl. . .actually this picture is a story all on its own. . .cuz those 
aren't Huggies, they are Depends. Ask me about it some time :)

P.S. The inspiration for posting all this is because Leila has been doing well on the potty the last few days. I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch, but you might see an upcoming post about how we successfully potty-trained our daughter :)

The Allergy Adventure Continues (with Baby # 2)

I can remember back to the time that I was a new stay-at-home mom, when playgroups, middle-of-the night feedings, teething, blow-outs and all the rest of it were still new to me. At playgroup one day, a lady from my church turned down a snack for her baby because he was allergic. She expanded on this and listed the many things he was allergic to. "Wow! That sounds HARD" I thought. How awful to have to choose between either cutting those foods out of your whole family's diet or making something special for that one child for every meal! And of course, that trial paled in comparison to the worry that her child could have an allergic reaction which could vary from mild to severe. . .or even life threatening. I couldn't help but hope that I would never find myself in her shoes. Then a funny thing happened--funny mostly because of the simple circumstance which gave way to it--I felt a powerful and clear prompting from the Spirit. It was a thought that didn't come from me. It was like a voice of a parent or teacher giving me instruction contrary to what I was then thinking.  The voice was accompanied by a warm feeling of comfort that swept over my body. The thought was "it's OK. dealing with a child's allergies is doable. If you were called to pass through this trial, you could do it and so can this Mother. There are things so much harder than allergies and still so much to be grateful for." This experience took me aback a little. Allergies? Why would I have such a profound experience about allergies?! I don't have food allergies. . .neither does my husband. In such a case children rarely get food allergies. Surely my children won't. But so strong were the feelings that I had, that I kept it in my back pocket, just in case.

This is a picture of Leila soon after finding out that taking her off gluten and
dairy made her much happier.

This is us at the 4th of July party. I'd like to say that Heidi's cheeks
were red from watermelon juice, but it's just the eczema. 

Fast forward months later and I found out my Leila's moody temperament was not just happenstance, but likely due to allergies (see my "Free From Gluten Free" post). That was trying at first--trying to figure out what I could make for her that didn't contain two whole food groups. At times I would be panicked because I would realize there was literally nothing in the house I could feed my child, but I soon adjusted.

When Heidi was born, she was a sweet little soul from the very beginning. However, there were times when she would seem a little colicky in the first month. Due to my experience with Leila, I decided to cut out milk to see if that would make a difference. Sure enough, not only did the colic stop, but Heidi almost never spit up! At six months of age, I thought perhaps her stomach had matured enough that I could resume drinking milk. It seemed successful--she wasn't crying uncontrollably and she kept her food down. Great! But as time went on, the eczema that she'd always had to some degree, seemed to have gotten worse. Could it be due to my drinking milk again? As a few months passed, I couldn't help but think that my drinking milk was causing her cheeks to get so red, her skin to be flaky, itchy, and even scabby sometimes. So I got a referral to the allergist.

The Doctor walked in to the old-fashioned clinic room, which made me feel like I had time warped back to the 70's. A kind, confident Doctor walked in, and before he sat down,  he took one look at Heidi and touted "yep, looks like another case of eczema". He sounded almost bored. He portrayed that he was a little surprised to have me come in for such a common skin condition, and wondered if my pediatrician had also told me it was just eczema. "Yes. But I think it might also be related to a food allergy" I said. He nodded his head thoughtfully, then said "well, in 2/3 cases the eczema is just a skin condition--one she'll outgrow, which is likely what we are going to find today. . .in 1/3 cases, it's related to a food allergy. . . But it's worth checking, so that's what we'll do!"

We were brought to another room where I removed Heidi's little dress and a nurse poked her in the back with the six main allergens--soybean, corn, eggs, milk, peanut, and wheat. She was a good sport. The sweet soul didn't cry, just looked a little confused. Then we had to wait for fifteen minutes for the reactions to be pronounced. My busy little monkey didn't want to stay put, so she crawled around the floors and cruised around the furniture, even meandering into the halls. All the while I had to make sure she didn't rub her back on anything, so that the the allergens would stay where they were--this proved to be harder than I thought. When the nurse came back she furrowed her brow and said "this isn't what we were wanting to see!" She measured each of the bright red welts on her back. Then I was brought back to another room to visit with the Doctor. He echoed the nurse by saying "these were not the results we were hoping for".

So here's the verdict: She has a full-blown allergy to milk and eggs, a sensitivity to soy, and a life-threatening allergy to peanuts! I could hardly believe it! Of course the most startling was the peanut allergy. "Will she outgrow it?" I immediately wondered and hoped. I learned that between 70-80% of children with milk, egg, and soy allergies outgrow them by the time they are 5 or 6, but only about 20% of children with peanut allergies EVER outgrow them. Heidi's peanut allergy is so severe that if she gets even a taste of it, she could go into anaphylactic shock--which means that her throat could swell up, cutting off her air flow, and she could suffocate.

Speaking of shock. . .I was shocked! My angelic little baby, the one that not only lights up a room, but an entire grocery store as she sits in the cart, has a known Kryptonite? "Absolute peanut avoidance" was one of the notes taken by the doctor. We were to consider avoiding foods even processed in a facility that contain nuts, but this was left to our discretion. Ugh! It made me want to ban peanuts! As much as I love peanut butter truffle brownies, Reeses Pieces, and Moose Tracks ice cream, I would much rather live in a peanut-free world, to avoid the risk of losing my sweet child. To think--my baby's kryptonite will be in her friend's PB & J sandwich at lunchtime at school, it will be in her bag of halloween candy, it is hidden so sneakily into baked goods at church potlucks--I know! I've been the one to bake them! 

This peanut allergy means I will have to be careful, which is an adjective that simply doesn't describe me. (ex. in about six months I shattered the screen on my cell phone twice and lost another phone). But now I've got to kick it into high gear--I'll have no peanut butter or peanuts in my house. Not only that, but I need to warn all caregivers of this allergy and train them on how to use an Epipen! Yep. She's got one of those now! If I have anything to do with it, there will be signs on the doors of the nursery at church and school, indicating that this is a peanut-free zone.

Yes. I could be evolving into that mom 

My new staples

It's hard to imagine that peanut butter is a common household staple across the country and all my little 9-month-old, 18 pound baby has to do is be a human vacuum (which is one of her favorite pass-times around the kitchen table) and pick up a crumb of peanut butter cookie and . . .but wait. What about that peace I felt 3 years ago; the one that I can recall so well, even today?

It reminds me of a scripture:

D&C 6:23

 Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things. Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?

So as I get upset about this trial, I need to look back upon that quiet moment in the park and that peace I felt in my heart. Heavenly Father gave me peace and instruction before I even knew that allergies would ever be a trial in my family. And I DO know that this isn't the hardest thing I could go through. I feel for the parents who have to struggle daily with their child's severe physical and/or mental handicaps. I can't fathom what they're going through. But what is significant to me is that Heavenly Father knew that having children with allergies would be a trial for me. And what matters to me, matters to him. I don't know how things are going to pan out with our darling girl. I don't know if we'll be making multiple trips to the emergency room, and if administering an epipen will become as second nature as popping Tylenol, but I do know that  Heavenly Father loves us and will take care of us :)

Proverbs 3:5-6 

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Relating to Life in The Book of Mormon- The Story of The Broken Bow/ The "I Can't Do This" Syndrome.

The Book of Mormon is amazing! Robby and I are just weeks away from reading it together for the 6th time and I have read it personally a dozen or so times (if I were to guess) and, like the Bible, I don't tire of it, I learn new things every time! It’s something I find I can easily relate to--finding parallels to my own life, tendencies, and trials. Some of those of you who are reading this may be familiar with the story of the broken bow from the Book of Mormon, but for those who are not, the full story is here, but I’ll also give a synopsis:

Nephi was one of a party of people caravaning through the wilderness toward a promised land (think the Children of Israel in The Bible). This group of people hunted for their food. Nephi, who had the last working bow and arrow, broke his weapon. Now it seemed that the family was doomed to starvation. Nephi’s brothers were angry and everyone, including his father, the prophet, whined and complained. 

*I should point out here that I’m not judging them! When I get hungry and I don’t know when I’m going to be able to eat again, I get “hangry” (hungry/angry), so I know I would be right there with them.*

Nephi on the other hand, had a different approach. He decided to DO something about his situation. If there’s something I’ve learned from my two-year-old, it’s that whining doesn’t get you what you want :) Amazingly, the same thing goes for adults, but some of us (like me. . .and Laman, Lemuel etc.) are slow learners. So what he does is he makes his own bow and arrow, asks his Father (because he’s the prophet) to ask the Lord where he should go to find food. Everyone humbles themselves, Nephi’s ne’r-do-well brothers behave--that is until the next chapter when they whine and complain about having to help build a ship (See 1 Nephi 17: 17,18, 50, 51 and 1 Nephi 18: 1-3). Nephi’s Father Lehi directs him where to go to find food and Nephi comes home with dinner. 

OK. Now for the current-day application. 

Sometimes we are given trials that overwhelm us and responsibilities that seem beyond our ability to fulfill. We may want to murmur and complain like Laman and Lemuel and say “this is hard! I can’t do this!” . . .I tend to do this a lot, particularly about the difficulties of motherhood; but when I think like this, I just sink into a downward spiral of ingratitude, self-pity, and hard-heartedness. Instead, I can choose to trust the Lord (like Nephi) by calling upon him for strength to do the things that I feel are beyond my capacity. I can ask where I should go, or what I should do to make life better, or to simply find peace amidst the storms of toddlerhood. I can act! If I do, I will still have hard things in front of me (heavens knows there are harder things than having a child in her terrible twos, or even than not knowing how you’re going to get your next meal) but if we call upon the Lord for help and are willing to act, Nephi and I. . .and all of God’s children, can face trials with courage, increased capacity, and an assurance that the Lord won’t let us fail. See below for more.

Post-Script 

Here are some of my favorite "you can DO it!/be happy" scriptures. 

Click on the reference to go to the actual scripture:

John 16:33 

Synopsis: We can be happy in tribulation because Christ, through the Atonement has overcome all tribulation. The Lord wants us to find peace in this truth. 

2 Nephi 10:23 (Robby’s favorite scripture)

Synopsis: You can do something about your life--that's something to be happy about! 

Helaman 14:30-31 

Synopsis: If you do good things, you'll get good things back, at least in the long run (kinda like a spiritual Karma). 

D&C 78:18 

Synopsis: You can't handle everything right now, but be happy, The Lord will help you! 

D&C 61:36 

Synopsis: We are still learning and growing like children, it's OK that we're not all the way there yet, God hasn't given up on you. He will help you!