Free From Gluten Free!

So. . .why am I posting pictures of my daughter eating food?!  And why do these pictures make me want to jump up and down, clap my hands and let out high pitched squeals like a giddy cheerleader?! I'll give you a hint in the form of a question. . .what do these pictures have in common?! Answer: They are all of my daughter eating GLUTEN! Hooray!!!! And dairy in one too! Hip Hip HOOORAY!!

Let me give you a little back story. You see, Leila came out of the womb crying. (So what?! doesn't every baby cry when they're born?) Yes. But the problem is, Leila didn't stop crying! I'd feed her and she cried, I'd feed her more and she cried, I'd burp her and she cried, I cuddled her and she cried, I swaddled her and she cried, I sang to her and she cried, I rocked her in my arms or in the carseat, and she still cried. This girl was relentless! And that time of my life was "hard". K that's obviously the understatement of the century. By "hard" I think I actually mean it wouldn't have been a good idea for me to drive too far up Provo Canyon, cuz driving off a cliff might have seemed more alluring than being screamed at by my own baby when I'm trying to calm her down. Ya. We cried a lot together back then. And I just believed what well-meaning people told me "every baby is born with a different temperament"--as a side note, I am flabergasted by how true that is after having my second baby! But there was more to it than that. It wasn't until my hubby and I went on a much needed escape. . .I mean, vacation to Thailand when Leila was 10 months old. My cousin watched her for those nine days. My cousin had watched Leila several times before so I could go to the temple or so Robby and I could go on a date. But whenever possible I would purposely drop her off when she was asleep in her carseat so that my cousin wouldn't have to be traumatized by a screaming baby and never want to watch her again. As time had passed there were some times when Leila would cry while in my cousin's care and my cousin would handle it like a champ! So then I thought "maybe I'm the problem, I'm just not strong enough to handle the stressors of mommyhood with the finesse that some people can!" In desperate need of a break and some time alone together, Robby and I left ten-month-old Leila with my cousin and we flew to Thailand!

This is the unsuspecting little miss, right before we dropped her off.

My cousin and I spoke on the phone. From what she related, it sounded like each of her five older children, her husband and herself were pretty much taking turns bouncing the crying baby from morning until night. She admitted that she just counted down the hours until Leila would go to sleep. At this news I felt a great deal of ambivalence. I felt horrible for my cousin, her whole family, and my baby. But I also felt a rush of relief! Like taking in a huge breath of air after being under water for too long. Someone empathized with me! Someone knew how I felt! Someone understood why I didn't love getting out of bed every morning. As much as I didn't wish those feelings on anyone, it was nice to feel normal.

Well, desperate times call for desperate measures. I think it was the next time I spoke with her she told me that she had stopped feeding Leila the breastmilk that I had stockpiled for the trip. She had also stopped feeding her foods containing either gluten or dairy--I don't recommend taking a child off of two allergens at once, it makes it hard to tell which one is causing the problem or if both are actually a problem. However, like I said, desperate times call for desperate measures and both her and I were desperate, so we were willing to try anything! The only down side was that this meant I would have to wean Leila. I was actually devestated by this because that was the only time that Leila was consistently not crying--when I was nursing her. However, it was a worthwhile sacrifice, as Leila's mood improved dramatically and therefore there were many points throughout the day when Leila wasn't crying! I wouldn't say that her temperament became such that life was puffy clouds and sunbeams, but it was different. In a very good way. 

So then came the challenge--feeding my child. No bread, goldfish, pretzels, animal crackers, graham crackers, cheerios etc. No yogurt, cheese, cheese sticks, sour cream, cream cheese, cream soups etc. what on earth was I going to feed this child?! At first I would have these panicked realizations that I had nothing in the house that my child could actually eat and I'd have to make a run to the store. But I got used to it eventually. I was grateful to get a pancake recipe from my cousin (as she and two of her children eat GF) and I adapted the recipe a bit. This soon became Leila's staple food. As time went on, I learned that the gluten-free food groups are: eggs, potatoes, fruit, vegetables, meat, and rice and we got a long just fine. However, there are so many things I like to make that contained gluten or dairy that I would often just make something different for Leila and make what I wanted for us.  It was a lot of work! And I don't miss telling other moms that their kid can't share his or her treats with Leila because she's allergic. All along I was hoping that it was just a sensitivity, but our early experiments to put her back on gluten and dairy didn't turn out well. Trying to put Leila back on dairy, I first tried yogurt (which has the lactose broken down more than milk, so it's supposed to be easier to digest). The first day I gave her a half teaspoon. She was fine! The next day I gave her a whole teaspoon. . .she threw up three times! Two weeks later I tried again, this time with Greek yogurt, which is supposed to be even easier to digest. I tried the same method: The first day I gave her a half teaspoon. She was fine! The next day I gave her a whole teaspoon. . .she threw up FOUR times! There were also a few times when she would go back to being really fussy for days and I would realize that something new I was feeding her had dairy in it. So after all that I was afraid to try dairy again. I also tried putting her back on gluten. I geared her up by having her take probiotics for several days beforehand. Then I gave her a "sacrament-sized" piece of bread (for those of you who are not LDS, that's a piece of bread about 1-inch long). The next day she woke up with hives from head to toe. So that scared me out of trying gluten again. 

But oh how I longed for Leila to eat like a normal girl! I wanted her to eat an all-American hotdog! I wanted her to be able to eat cake at birthday parties! I wanted to bake cookies with her and have her be able to taste the fruit of her labors! I wanted to try again, but. . .I just couldn't! At least not fully! I had started feeding her goats milk Kiefer which, like yogurt is supposed to be easier to digest and actually aid in the digestive process, and she had done fairly well on that. She would just have messier diapers at first, which eventually normalized. But when it came to putting her back on regular cows milk, I chickened out! I couldn't go back to that life of Leila constantly crying! Finally a couple months ago I told Robby "I think you are going to have to do it! I am just too scared to put her back on these foods!" He was thrilled to receive the go-ahead--he was sick of the headache all this was causing too! He knew the method I would prefer him to use--have her on probiotics for several days before, then start with a small portion and work up. But I didn't demand he do it that way. (We believe demanding is a currency you don't want to use too often in marriage or it loses its value). So one day I came home from something or other and he announced "I performed a unilateral experiment!"

"Did you GIVE her that WHOLE roll?!?!? . . .
Did she EAT that WHOLE roll?!?!?"
"Yes. Yes."

And what do you know? She did just fine! No hives. No fussiness. No funky diapers! Nothing!

A few weeks later I started her on dairy, beginning with cheese. With that one her diapers did start a little funky again, but they improved and she's now doing just great!

Just for kicks, I thought I would share this gluten free pancake recipe that saved my bacon for a year and a half!

Gluten Free Brown Rice Pancakes 

2 cups cooked brown rice* 
4 eggs 
1/3 cup coconut oil (other oils could probably be used as well) 
1 over-ripened banana (optional) 

1) Combine all ingredients in blender, blend until smooth and pourable. If it's too thick to pour nicely I will add another egg or two. 
2) Pour in four inch circles on griddle. Cook on low to medium heat (I put it on 4 on my stove) on the first side for five to ten minutes (or until the pancake is golden-brown). If I try to cook it at higher temperatures it is uncooked on the inside and burnt on the outside. It takes less time on the second side. 

*the softer the brown rice, the smoother the batter turns out. I like to soak my brown rice for 7+ hours before cooking it (so usually overnight). If I soak 2 cups of rice with 4 cups of water I end up with enough cooked brown rice to make this recipe 3 times. I just refrigerate what I don't use, then when I go to make pancakes, I measure out two cups of the cooked rice, add a little water, cover with plastic wrap and microwave it for a minute or so, so it's softer and easier to blend. 

Hmmm. . . writing this out makes me realize this is kind of a nit-picky recipe (or maybe I am, I dunno:) But it's easy to get used to.